I could not stop looking up at him.
I played the game in my mind as he held me; I knew the outcome would be the same.
Fabricated.
The demonstration he put on at dinner for all to see, the act of a soon-to-be loving husband, made my stomach sick more than the scent of the food placed before me.
We reach Anna, and he nods, tugging on his tie and backing away, then turns to go out the door with Carlos and his father right behind him. I watch him leave, and that feeling of heartache enfolds in my chest once again.
Anna hands me my purse as we watch Alexander leave. I take it blindly, my gaze still glued to his wide shoulders, retreating through the doors.
“Holy shit! I thought he was going to fuck you right on the dance floor.” She waves her hand in front of her pink cheeks.
I glare at her.
“What?” She wipes her brow and says, “That was like the sexiest tango/Waltz that I have ever seen. Got my panties wet. Who picked that song anyway?”
“His mother.” I look back at the door once again.
“Well, you go, Chiara! I bet that bedroom rocks if she picked this song.Rrrrr, Amato!!”She makes little claw marks in the air.
I grab Anna’s hand as I turn away from the door, snapping her head back as I practically drag her to the head table to take my seat, whipping her around to sit in Alexander’s chair beside me.
She plops down and frowns at me. “What the hell? Izzy?” She rubs her wrist. My chin trembles as I try to get past the lump in my throat. I need to tell her about my plan but the words are stuck.
Anna's eyes soften and she pulls her chair closer holding my hand in hers and leans her elbows down on her knees to get closer to me.
“Izz? I am worried about you. Like, seriously worried. You are losing weight, and I watched as you practically gagged your way through dinner. And as much as I hate that dick for keeping you away from me, I’m glad he made you eat something.”
I go to pull my hand away, irritation marring my face, and she holds my hand tighter, pulling me close.
“No, you’re going to listen to me! I don’t know what you are doing or planning, but I haven’t said anything because, well... you know me. I’m the fun one. Keep shit light, right?”
She smiles weakly at me, her eyes beginning to water.
“I love you. I’ll help you no matter what, whatever it is you’re planning. Just say it and I am there. I climbed a gate for you; I choked out Danny to get to you. Just don’t leave me, okay?”
A tear slips down her cheeks as she swipes it immediately.
I contemplate telling her; she is my best friend, and I know she will never forgive me if I don’t.
I hug her tight and whisper, “I need you to go to the small library on 8th and 32nd street. It’s down the alley. It’s called the Nook for books. Ask for Helen. Tell her I sent you and I need my gift. She’ll understand what you mean.”
I pull back and look into her eyes. They are wide, her face is white, and she is slowly beginning to understand my meaning. More tears roll down her porcelain cheeks and I wipe one away.
“I love you, Anna, you are my world, but I can’t stay here. I can’t live like this anymore. It’s not just Alexander.” I let her go sitting back in my chair.
I look around the room, which is filled with strangers who have no idea who I am. They’ve never met the real me. I’m the chubby Gallo girl that they gave to Alexander as a prize cow. I’m a body to be bartered for essentially more money and prestige.
I wave my hand at the room. “This life, all of them. I need peace, and I’ll never have it if I stay.”
She is wiping her eyes, and I look at her. Reaching out to squeeze her hand tight and pull her to me once again. “I just want to be free to be me. I’ll never be free, Anna, If I stay. I won't make it out this time."
She hugs me tight again and I whisper, “Can you do that for me? Can you see Helen?”
She nods her head on my shoulder; her ribs shake in my hands as she cries a little harder. “Shhhh..it’s going to be okay, I promise.”
I pull back and look at her and smile faintly. She smiles back and wipes her eyes once more, shaking her head to try to stop the tears.
