It made me feel sad for him and for me, in a way. But I knew the night wouldn’t last. He is who he is, and that is why this will never work. I can’t go on living like a toy, a trinket for all the men in my life to play with. I’ll play my part; I’ll do my duty to the organization as a good wife.
But he will never touch me again.
I gave us tonight. That’s all I could offer, and that was more than even I was equipped to give. I thought it would be simple, be selfish for once, take what I wanted, needed. But again, he made it hard to relish in my minor triumph. He was kind, as if he almost cherished what we shared with our bodies. That’s how he makes me falter every time. That minuscule sliver of the man he could be. I know better, but his deception is well-mastered, and I never learned that game. But I’m trying to. Alexander is an excellent teacher if anything else.
My thoughts and feelings are mine alone, and I will keep them. He won’t take that from me. I’m tired of falling for the pretense that someone is actually interested in my opinions. They aren’t, so why bother to share them? I’m the only one left naked and exposed to their harsh, scrutinizing stares andmalicious words spoken behind my back.
I know I’m different and as hard as I try, I can’t be who they expect me to be. I’ve lost myself too many times trying to please them all, to keep playing the chess game they set up on the board. But no matter what I do, I kept getting moved across the board and put in place to serve men’s needs.
Anger swells up, and for once, I can actually say I’m pissed off. I will get out, somehow, and when I do, I will never put myself in this situation again.
So, if the boys want to play, let’s play.
My father got his wish. I married the man he chose. He has upped his standing in the organization. White makes the first move in chess, so fathers move, the white pawn to d4.
I had to go along with it, so my move is black knight to f6.
Alexander got the wedding he wanted. White pawn to c4
This time, I’ll follow each square, calculating my moves till I reach the king, and then I’ll jump over the edge. They can play on without me.
Black pawn to g6
~ ~ ~
I wake up; the sun is shining on my face and I blink and squint my eyes at the offending open curtains. Stretching my arms above my head, my body aches and as I roll over on my side, I can feel the burning between my legs.
I’m sore, a dull ache kind of sore. I roll over and put my feet on the floor as I look around the room. My dress is lying on the chair by the window; the pearls sparkle in the sun.
Mrs. Isabella Russo.
That’s my name now, a character I have to play.
Padding over to the bedroom door, I put my ear to the coldwood panel, listening for any evidence that he is awake. There is no noise from the hall, so I crack the door open a bit to listen.
Silence.
I look down. My duffle bag is sitting on the floor in front of my door. So I grab it as quietly as I can and close my door. I'm astonished he thought of clothes for me at all. I was just going to shower and put back on that charade of a dress.
Tossing the bag on the bed; digging out my toothbrush and my shampoo. Once I've showered and the smell of him is off my skin. I dressed in tan leggings, a black long-sleeved t-shirt, and a cream wool poncho. I put on my tan boots, which had been packed for me. I take his t-shirt and boxers, wrap up my dress, and walk down the hall to the living room ready to face my opponent.
Alexander is sitting at the kitchen table, his face hidden as he reads the newspaper. There is an array of food spread out in front of him, I can smell the coffee and my stomach grumbles, giving me away. He looks up, folding his paper away from his face. His gaze travels over me from head to toe and back again. That one black eyebrow goes up.
“I’m surprised you’re not dressed in black. You are in mourning, aren’t you?”
Ooo, good one. White knight to C3.
He flips his paper and goes back to reading. I just shake my head; I knew he was going to be angry. I had expected his silver eyes to bore into me filled with hostility, but Alexander goes straight for the heart.
Dropping my duffle bag on the floor behind the couch I toss my dress over the back of it, laying his folded t-shirt and boxers beside it.
Picking up a cup and filling it with coffee, I add my sugar and cream. Swipe a muffin off one of the many trays, go to thecouch and sit down. Putting my feet up on the edge of the coffee table, I settle back onto the couch, getting comfy. I cup my chilly hands around my coffee, warming them as I blow across the top, looking out at the city.
One square at a time, Izzy. One square.
I pick up my muffin off the coffee table and start to carefully peel the wrapper off with my fingers as I hold my cup in my hand. Taking a bite, I almost choke, but I hold it together.
“How’s your pussy today?” His deep voice bounces off the marble walls.
