“You’re right. I let my anger rule my good judgment. She was innocent, and I can’t forgive myself for the pain I caused.” I look up at Anna and say, “I don’t expect your forgiveness either. But she needs to know, and even if you don’t believe me, I respect you for helping her. But right now, she’s in serious danger. If you see her or have any way of contacting her, tell her to stay away from her father. That’s all I can say.”
I turn and walk to the door. My father steps forward, still smiling at Anna, and he’s been studying her since we walked in. He steps about three feet in front of her and looks up. I stopped to watch them.
His voice is matter-of-fact as he smiles up at her. “You remind me of my wife. Love and loyalty go hand-in-hand, Anna. I respect that.” He looks over at Danny and then back up at her. “If you hear anything, please let Danny know.”
Carlos opens the door, and my father walks right past me, heading down the hall towards the back door where the car waits. I give Carlos a questioning look, and he looks at me and hunches his shoulders. I don’t know what the hell that means. He’s being very cryptic this morning. Loyalty. That was the second time he’d mentioned that word.
Danny stands up from the desk and looks up at Anna.
His voice was low. “I’ll see you later, pixie.”
Anna squints her eyes, crosses her arms over her chest, her voice laced with hurt. “I don’t fucken think so, dick.”
Danny’s body goes stiff and then he turns and leaves, her eyes boring into the back of his head as she watches him walk out. I waited in the hall and put my arm on his back.
“Are you going to be okay with this? I can switch you out if it’s too much to watch her.”
“Nope. She is mine.”
I let him go and we walk down the hall, two half-assed brokenmen holding it together as we lose our women. One who could be miles away from me and one who stands right in front of him but might as well be just as far.
Chapter 20 ~ Isabella
Six months later.
I think I’ve moved this plant like three times. But it’s so pretty and I can’t seem to find the right spot. I look around my tiny apartment. I think I have more plants than furniture.
But it’s all mine. I bought and dragged every piece of furniture in here.
I think they would call it Shabby Chic. Most of my stuff is second hand or something I found by a dumpster or on the curb and I dragged home to repaint. It’s small, but it’s cozy. It’s done in floras, of varying shades of pinks and creams. I took one little corner and put a small easel and my paints. I can’t do large canvas like I used to, but I like the work I have been producing.
After a few weeks of living here, I finally ventured outside. I was scared they would find me if I ventured out too far, so I stayed close to my neighborhood. One morning, while dragging a broken chair home, I saw a hair salon, and it gave me an idea of how not to be so afraid all the time.
I put my chair down and stared at myself in the glass. If I cut it and dyed my hair, I’d be less recognizable. So, that’s what I did. I cut it short into a bob and dyed it blond. The need for my shieldwas over. I was free. I needed to let go of the old me and make a new one. It took a few days to stop jumping when I looked in the mirror and recognized myself, but I like it now. It is short and sassy like Anna.
Thanks to Helen, I got a job at the local library. She supplied a reference for me, so it wouldn’t raise any red flags, and I love the job. It’s quiet. I get to read all kinds of books, and I’ve met a few people. Fargo, North Dakota, is my new home. My new name is Elizabeth Brander (Lizzy for short). I’m 23 years old from Brainerd, Minnesota, and I’m just moving to the big city to start a new life and I have.
I also took a women’s self-defense class. I figured if tiny Anna could take out a huge guy like Danny, I’d better learn to handle myself, or at least buy myself some time to get away if I’m ever caught. It was good for me. I gained confidence and met a few other women who, like me, needed to protect themselves. I never gave them my story, but it felt good to be with other women like me. They’re just trying to live their lives unafraid.
I love it here. I thought Helen was crazy when I heard the plan. But she was right. It’s great here. Resting back on my couch, I grab my pillow and hug it around my stomach. I was so scared when I left. I shook all the way to Saint Paul when I stopped for gas and something to eat. Trepidation made me cover my head with my hoodie and sit in the far back of the restaurant.
I ate so fast I was nauseous when I got back to the car. Too afraid to drive, I sat there for a long time gripping the steering wheel and rechecking my rear-view mirror every five seconds for Carlos or Danny to grab me. But everyone was a stranger and not to be trusted, so I pulled out of the parking lot and drove. I arrived in Fargo around eight that night and slept in the car in a grocery store parking lot. Helen had arranged my apartment, but it was too late to bug Mrs. Schmidt. She is my neighbor and landlord, and I love her to death.
She’s a widow and speaks mostly German, which I know the language well, so we get along great. I take her shopping. She is forever making me food, and we go for tea. We spent Christmas together since she has no children to spend the holidays with. So, I’m like a daughter she never had, and she’s like the Nonna I miss so much. Only it’s a lot of harsh German words and cabbage.
I’m not lonely per se, but I miss Anna and my job. I miss Chicago. I half ass miss Alexander, but I push that shit to the back of my head every time I smell butterscotch pudding or anything vanilla.
Oh yeah, and Lizzy Brander swears. Well, she is getting better at it. I’m not as good as Anna, but I will try. I reach for the tissue and blow my nose again. It’s March here in Fargo, so it’s cold and snowy and I love it. I snuggle under my patchwork quilt. I got it at a yard sale last fall, shortly after I moved here. I was feeling brave that day and went out touring. It’s bright and colorful and doesn’t match a single thing in the apartment, and it’s my favorite blanket.
A few days after I moved into this apartment, I sold my car. I didn’t want Sebastian to find me in case he found the plates somehow and used them to find me. He’s very good at what he does, and I watch cameras when I’m out and around as well. Who knows what that guy is capable of?
I got a second-hand car with North Dakota plates. It made me feel better, but not safer. I will always have to look over my shoulder, in some sense more so now, but I won’t let anyone take this away, ever. I hold my stomach and sneeze again.
I picked up a cold, which has Mrs. Schmidt over the edge. She brought me Knoechel soup today, which was super good and made my nose run even more, but she said that it was good for me. I can feel the chills coming back, and I reach for my slippers to tug them on. I look myself over and burst outlaughing. If Anna could see me now.
I have a cold, my nose is red, I haven’t showered today, and my shorter hair is sticking out all over and most likely half flat on one side from lying on the couch. My nightgown is something Mrs. Schmidt would wear, and my slippers are big, huge Harry Potter heads. But I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I plop back on the couch and laugh again, and then cough hard.
I know I should go see the doctor because it feels like it’s getting tighter in my chest and today it’s hard to breathe, but I’m scared to go. That’s a risk I’m not willing to take right now. I don’t have a medical card. But I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t want to do or sign anything that could give me away. I’m too happy here in my vintage bubble.
