“Fuck you, Carlos. You walked away. When I needed your help, you left me lying there. You believed him; you actually thought I would do what he accused me of.”
I stand up straight on wobbly legs and they both rise. Alexander has his hand out in case I fall, and Carlos is still holding the blanket.
I look up at Carlos. I can feel the tears freezing on my cheeks now. The air is misty with each breath and my voice is getting weaker by the minute. I’m shaking so badly from the cold,and I feel dizzy as fuck right now. I hold my stomach and the precious bundle that is mine.
“You left me, Carlos, and never came back. You just left.” I cough, and he steps up and puts the blanket around me. Alexander moves in closer, and I try to back away and slip in the snow, falling backwards. Carlos catches my arm and quickly scoops me up.
“Hold on Izzy. You need to get warm. Alexander, open the car door and get in.”
“No, no, Carlos, please no.” I try to move out of his arms, but I cough again, and I hold my stomach. He kisses my cold forehead.
“I made mistakes, Izzy, but I swear, you will be safe now. I promise.”
He bends down and puts me on Alexander’s lap, and Alexander wraps his wool coat over me. He is so warm and now the shakes have set in. Alexander holds me tighter as he rocks with me in his lap.
“I’m so sorry, bunny, so sorry.” He kisses my forehead and I push him on his chest. He looks down at me, his eyes red-rimmed and tears still clinging to his lashes. I reach up with a cold shaking hand and wipe one tear away. I can see it on my finger, but I don’t feel it. Weird.
I look back into his gray eyes, so sad and full of regret.
“F-f-fuc-k-k. Y-ou. All-ex.”
I start to cough again and then I can’t breathe. Alexander’s face dims in and out and I try to talk, but Alexander kisses my stiff lips and rubs his warm wet cheek on mine, holding me closer.
“Shhh, baby. Shh, it’s okay. Just hang on a bit longer, okay, love?”
He moves me back so he can look at me. His hand strokes and then holds my cheek, so warm. I snuggle my face closer to the warmth of his palm and close my eyes, so tired. I feel so cold all over.
He said Love? He doesn’t know the meaning of the word.
Carlos barks from a distance; he sounds so far away now. “Don’t let her fall asleep till she’s warm and her body temperature is back up. She’s sick and more than likely caught a touch of hypothermia standing out in the fucken snow in her nightgown.”
I can hear Alexander sniffle, and he shuffles me around so I’m higher on his lap. He rubs my back. My nose is close to his neck, and I can smell his vanilla musk and cry all over again because I know what that scent means. He found me.
“Stay with me for a bit, love? Don’t go to sleep? Yell at me. Call me a prick again. Because I deserve everything you have to say to me and more, okay? Just don’t go to sleep yet.”
I shove my nose into his neck, so warm. “Mmmm.”
Alexander rests his head on top of mine and rocks me back and forth, stroking my hair and kissing my cheeks, almost as if he cares. I’m not really with it right now and all I want to do is sleep, but I know enough not to fall for the affection. He taught me that lesson very well.
“S-o tired, cold.” I bring my knees up and hold my tummy. My poor baby, she must be freezing, too. My legs are burning now, and the wool coat hurts my skin. Sharp tingles pulse in my fingers and my toes are on fire.
“I know, love. Almost there. Just hold on. Is your tummy sore, love?”
I shake my head, “N-oo. Bab-by c-c-old. Love her, s-s-he’s mine.”
I can feel Alexander’s chest take in air and hold it. He lets out a low whine, holds me tight as he shakes, and rocks back and forth. And then he put his hand under the jacket and holds his hand over mine. So warm, I can feel her move like tiny butterflies in my tummy towards the warmth of his palm and I smile.
“Better?” His voice wavers and sounds far away. I nod. She’ll be warm now and she’ll be okay. I cough and try to get air back in but I’m having a hard time. Alexander is shaking me now and his voice is an echo as the world goes black.
~ ~ ~
I’m boiling, and I keep trying to push the blanket off of me; it’s too hot. Hands grab me and I try to push them off. It doesn’t work, so I kick my legs, and I can feel a waft of cool air as the blankets shuffle.
“Es ist zu heiß Frau Schmidt, öffnen Sie das Fenster.’’’ (It’s too hot, Mrs. Schmidt. Open the window.)
“Shhh, baby, you have a fever, and you have to stay warm.” Hot hands hold mine to my chest. I open my eyes to a fuzzy dark face hanging over me.
“Mir ist so heiß, bitte öffne das Fenster.” (I’m so hot, please, open the window.) It comes out weak and cracked, even to my ears, but that is as loud as I can talk. Why won’t she listen?
