“Amy, we'll be a few minutes late for cocoa if that's alright.” Eamon was speaking to my sister, but looked at me the whole time. “Katherine and I have something to talk about.”
“We do?”
He took my hand. “Yes. Come on. It won’t take long.”
I nearly stumbled out of the kitchen as Eamon led me through the living room and up the stairs to my room. He ushered me inside and closed the door behind us.
“Eamon, we can't have sex in the middle of the day when everyone is downstairs. The walls are paper-thin and the floors creak like crazy. Everyone will hear us.”
He grinned and took both of my hands. “Had a wonderful talk with your father.” His voice was soft, with a leading inflection. When he spoke to me like that, he could have anything he wanted. Anything.
“Good. I'm glad.” I could only assume they hadn't talked about anything of consequence. He was being so goofy.
“And now that I've askedhima very important question, it's time for me to ask you. Properly.” Eamon dropped to one knee and gazed up at me, still holding on to my hands. “Katherine, I love you. I love you with every bone in my body. Every thought I have is of you. Will you marry me?”
Oh no no no no no.This wasnotthe time for this. Marriage? I wasn’t even sure I had a heart. Plus, I hadn’t told him everything. Not just the details about my mom and the accident, either. That had to come first. If I was going to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him, he needed to know everything. He needed to know the things I hadn’t told Amy. The thing that haunted me every time I looked at my sister, the possible explanation for why my heart was in hiding.
“Oh, Eamon. This really isn’t the right time for this. Not here. Not in this house. Not now.” What I really wanted to say was that this wasn’t the way this should be going. He was supposed to wait for me to find the perfect time to spill my guts.
“You're doing this to me twice? You're turning me down a second time?” His face fell and that made me sink down onto the bed, if only to bridge the gap between us. Every minute he spent kneeling was sheer torture.
“That's not fair. I didn't know you were serious the first time. We've talked about this.”
“Well, I'm absolutely serious right now. There's no pub. No drinking. I asked your father for your hand, Katherine. I’ve never been more serious in my entire life.”
I sucked in a breath, feeling like I would never get enough oxygen. “Eamon, there are things you don't know. Things I need to tell you. About my past. I won't feel right about us moving forward if I don't tell you first.”
He shook his head. “No. Nothing in anyone’s past matters. Either you love me and want to be with me or you don’t.”
“It's not as simple as that. I do love you. And I do want to be with you.” I couldn't take my eyes off him, no matter how hard it was to see his face with such pain across it. Still, I was hyper aware of where I was, and the way my mother's presence made me feel like everything was closing in on me. It was if she was glowering over my shoulder, shaking her head at me.
“I’m starting to thinkI'mthe reason you’re so bloody terrified of marriage. That it's not marriage, but it's marriage to me.”
“No. No. That’s not true.”
“Then what is true, Katherine? Help me understand.”
“I need to tell you something first. About my mom and me.”
“Katherine, your mother is gone. Nothing you say to me will change my mind. I love you. You are the sweetest, most generous, kindest woman in the world and my life isn’t going to be right without you.”
Tears started to leak from the corners of my eyes. “Don’t put me on a pedestal, Eamon. I don’t belong there.”
“Enough.” He ran his hands through his hair. The instant he looked at the door, I knew he was leaving. “I have to get some air.” He rose to his feet, turned the squeaky knob and stormed out. I'd never seen him so hurt. Not even the day we first parted.
Fiona flew into the room. “Where's Dad going? Are we going with him?” She bounced on the edge of the bed.
I crouched down in front of her and took her two tiny hands in mine. “You know I love you, Fiona. Don't you?”
She nodded eagerly, blowing her curly hair from her forehead. “I love you, too.”
“Good. I love your dad, too. I love him a lot. But he and I have to talk. And it might take a while. Are you okay to stay with Aunt Amy?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
I straightened and sucked in a deep breath. “Okay, great. We'll be back as quick as we can.”
Fiona flopped back on the bed in dramatic fashion. “I’ll be fine.”
