As much as I wanted to, I could no longer shrink away from the thing that had been between us all these years. It had to come out. It was no longer my secret to keep. “I don’t really know what to say other than I’m sorry, but I knew about this.”
“The letter?”
I shook my head. “No. In fact, when we found his obituary, I thought this was all over, but apparently not. I knew, Amy. I knew that he and Mom suspected this.”
She didn't blink. There was no realization crossing her face, not the tiniest twitch of a muscle. “You knew? How long have you known?” I got up from the couch and went to hug her, but she recoiled and stepped back. “Don't touch me right now. I need you to just answer the question. How long did you know?”
“Mom slipped and said something the morning of the accident. When she was packing the suitcases and I was in a panic, trying to figure out what in the hell she was doing. When she told me that we were going to live with him, I blurted out that he wasn't even family. That’s when she said that he might beyourfamily.”
Her mouth went slack and she wrapped her arms around herself. The look she shot at me was both devastating anddevastated, damaging in equal measure, scorching the world we shared, just the two of us. “Luke!” she yelled. “Come here, please. I need you to tell my sister to leave.”
“What? Amy, no. Come on. Let's talk about this. Please. I never told you because I wasn't sure. What good was it going to do to tell you something that I wasn't even sure was true?”
Luke rushed into the room. “What's going on? Is everything okay?”
“Katherine needs to leave. And never come back.”
“What?” He looked at me, then at her, and back again. “What happened?”
“She knew about the stuff that was in the letter. She's known for more than twenty fucking years and she never told me. We slept in the same bedroom every night and told each other every deep dark secret and she never fucking told me.” Her voice was falling apart at the seams and my heart was breaking just as fast, but I didn't think it was a good idea to move closer to her, no matter how badly I needed to hug her. She would only push me away. “I should've known that I couldn't trust you when I found out about Eamon. No normal person keeps him a secret.”
“Amy. Come on. I didn't keep him a total secret. I just didn't tell you the whole thing, and that was out of guilt. I was off having fun in Ireland and you were dealing with Dad. It wasn't right and I felt horrible about it.”
“Eamon told Luke that he proposed to you and you said no. You don't want to be happy, do you, Katherine? You just want to be miserable and you want everyone else to be miserable, too. That's why you've been such a pain in the ass about our wedding. That's why all of the snide looks at the engagement party and clamming up at the florist.”
My shoulders dropped in defeat. “I’m helping you the best I can. I don't know what else to say. Most of the time it feels like you don't want my help. I'm not going to force that. And I said no to Eamon because it didn't feel right to get engaged right before your wedding. It didn't feel right to get engaged in that house. It holds too many terrible memories for me.”
“You have always held that over my head.” She pointed at me and her jaw tightened. “That you had to endure the worst of it from Mom. Well, I'm sick of it. I suffered, too, dammit. It's not my fault you were sick that morning and had to stay home from school.”
“I feel like I should probably go in the other room,” Luke muttered.
Amy shot him a look. “No. Stay. I need you here.” She then turned her attention back to me. “I listened to you when we were kids and you said we should tell Dad about what was going on. But I wish we hadn't. Our lives would've been totally different if you'd just shut your mouth, Katherine. Everyone's lives. Our entire family.” Her eyes blazed with something so hurtful I couldn't put a name on it. I only knew that it was designed for me. “Not just my life or yours. Dad's, Mom's. Even Gordon Stewart's life would've been different. Do you have any idea what you stole from me? My childhood. My mother. And even after all of that was gone, you stole the only chance I had to possibly have a relationship with the man who might have been my real dad. He's dead now and I can't get him back, either.” She bent over at the waist and rested her hands on her knees, completely out of breath. “Fuck. You just stood there and let me put his obituary in the fireplace. You didn't say a single thing. I think I'm going to be sick.”
“We don't know that you're his daughter, Ames. And I'm still your sister. We've always had each other. Nothing will ever change that.”
She straightened, but her head bobbed back and forth like she was drunk. “No. You're not my sister anymore. I don't see any way I can ever forgive you for this. You lied to me for twenty-two years.”
“Lying and keeping a hurtful fact from someone are not the same thing.”
“Don't get technical with me. You were the one person on the planet I felt I could always count on and now I realize that was all bullshit.” She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I can't talk to you anymore. I need you to leave.”
I slowly picked up my purse from the couch. “I understand. You need time to think.”
“No. I don't need time to think. You and I are done.”
“What does that even mean? What about the wedding?”
“You'll still be my maid of honor. It will be weird if that changes. But I don't want you to be involved in any other way. I'll get Luke's mom or sister to do it. Show up for the shower. And the rehearsal. Please try to keep the sarcasm to a minimum that night if you would. I'm so fucking tired of it. Now if you don't mind, I need you to leave so that I can write a letter to the man who might be my uncle and see if I can get some shred of memories of my mother back.”
With no other options, I skulked out of the apartment, closing the door behind me. As soon as I made it down the first flight of stairs, I heard Luke.
“Katherine,” he whispered. “I’ll talk to her. I'll try to find a way to fix this.”
I knew exactly how horrible I'd been for doubting him for even a minute. “You're the best thing that ever happened to her.” And I was convinced that I was the worst.
“It'll be okay. We'll figure it out.”
I drew in a deep breath. Maybe Luke really was that magical. Maybe he could get Amy to see past the secret I kept from her. But it felt so unlikely right now. “Just love her and I'll try to figure out a way to fix the rest of it. I think this is a disaster only I can clean up.”
