“He talked to you about it?”
“He did. Just now.”
“I never said I wouldn't marry him. Things have just been crazy.” As horrible as I felt at turning down Eamon's proposal, it had been the right thing to do. If we were going to spend our lives together, we had time to do that right. It wasn't that I'd wanted the perfect moment. I'd only wanted to go into it with a clean slate. Or as clean a slate as I could get. And the issue of his writing was going to weigh on us both until it got better. What if he never wrote another song again and it was all because of me? I didn't want to rob the world of Eamon MacWard.
“Katherine, I'm the last person to pressure anyone into marriage. I only know that I’ve seen in his eyes how much he loves you. He never had one-tenth of that for me. And it's not his fault. We were reckless. Except for Fiona, he and I were a mistake. But you two aren't. I know that.”
My worry over making mistakes had been inescapable since the day my mom died. When you botched something so royally, you’d do anything to make sure you never messed up again. You’d even play it inexplicably safe. “Did he write songs when you two were together?”
“All the time, but I think it was his escape.”
I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about this. I didn't want him to need an escape from me, but I wanted him to be able to find a way to write again. “He hasn't played me a single new song since coming to live with me. Anything he’s written hasn’t been good enough to share with me. Or so he says. The label and his manager are all over him about it.”
“That lot needs to shove off. All they care about is money. Maybe he's not writing because he's happy.”
Rachel clearly knew how Eamon worked, something I was only beginning to understand. I wanted him to be happy. I couldn't make him miserable. Not on purpose. “I love him, too. More than anything. I think he knows that.”
“If there's any chance he doesn't, be sure to tell him.”
I had one question perched on my lips. “You love him, don't you?”
Rachel laughed quietly into the phone. “I do. He and I will always be tied together. I just want him to have what he wanted when we were married.”
“Love?”
She waited for a moment to answer and I felt like I was clinging to every second. “You, Katherine. You’re all he’s ever wanted. It’s not easy for me to say that.”
I could hardly believe that she had the guts to be so real with herself. I needed to be living my life more like Rachel. “Thank you for saying it. I appreciate it.”
“Of course. I have to take care of you. You’re taking care of the most important person in my life tonight.”
“I’ll do a good job. I promise.”
“I know you will. I’m not worried about that.”
Rachel and I said our goodbyes. I hung up the phone and padded back into Fiona's room. “You can go if you want,” I said to Eamon. “I’ll stay with her.”
Eamon got up from the bed. “Maybe I'll go take a stab at writing.”
“Only if you feel like it. I'm sorry if I pressured you.”
“And I'm sorry I didn't tell you the real reason I didn't try to find you.”
I popped up and kissed his cheek. “It's okay. I want to think this was the way things were supposed to happen.”
“Are we calling it fate?”
“Something like that.”
Eamon wandered out of the room and I stretched out next to Fiona. She stirred and coughed, then rolled on to her side facing me.
“You okay, sweetie? Can I get you anything? A drink of water?”
“No. Just stay with me. There's nothing worse than being lonely and sick.” How true that was. “I forgot to tell you something today. When we were on the subway and you were watching me.”
“What's that?”
“I saw your heart. I know what it looks like now.”
