Her smile gets bigger, though there’s still a trace of apology left in her eyes. “I appreciate that.”
“I’ve been working on some mindset changes myself the last few weeks, so I get being stuck in your thoughts.”
“What kind of changes?”
“Understanding that it’s okay if I mess up, that it’s normal, not a failure. That it’s okay when my brain works differently than some other’s. Not assuming I’m the bad guy in every situation.”
“You rarely are, from what I see.”
“Yeah, the problem is everyone can see that except me.”
With her hand closest to me, she presses against my thigh. “I’ll see it for you. And I’ll remind you of it when you need me to.”
The weight of what she just said fills the room as both of us fall silent, still.
After a moment, I feel awkward. If only because it all feels heavy, but I don’t know where this conversation is going. She might have meant that as a friend?
I say the only thing that comes to mind.
“So, do you want to tell Taylor that we’ll keep the whole fake thing going longer? I mean I’m not sure we have to for our careers at this point, but if you want…”
She squeezes my leg again.
“What if I want something different from that?”
46
AVERY
It feels like a godsend that Rawley is even listening to my explanation, let alone being sweet and kind about it.
Why did I ever shut us down?
I’ve owned a big part of my mistake, but now—I need to gamble it all. Lay my cards on the table.
The signs are already good, with his arm firmly around me and his eyes looking intensely at the hand I have on his leg.
“What if I want something different from that?” I ask.
“What do you…want?” His voice is slow, but if I’m not wrong, it holds a twang of hope.
Here goes nothing.
“My ‘no dating athletes’ rule—I’m ready to end it.”
He visibly swallows, his eyes searching mine. “Okay?”
“I realized it was kind of arbitrary. That what makes someone a good partner has nothing to do with whether they play sports or not.”
“Agreed.”
A twinge of nerves shoots through me, knowing what I’m going to say may fall flat, but I push through it.
“And also, there might be this athlete I want to date for real?”
It takes him a moment to move past his clear surprise, but then his eyes light up with—is that joy?
“Is there now?” he gasps out, the hope rich in his voice now.
