Chapter Forty
Once her family had finally bustled out of the door, the chalet fell silent and Lisa felt the effects of being alone with Nathan, the fire, the Christmas tree and the perfect backdrop of the mountains. Her mind wandered to the last time they had been alone in front of a log burning fire. She blinked the images away.
‘Nathan, I—’
‘Lisa, beforeyou say anything, can I kiss you?’
‘Kiss me?’ she asked coyly, while warmth spread through her body at the thought.
‘Yes, kiss you.’ Nathan stood and pulled her up next to him. She felt him pressed against her and welcomed the sensation of his lips on hers. He slipped his hands down her back, round her bottom and under her thighs, lifting her on to his hips while never breakingfrom her mouth. With her legs wrapped round him, Lisa kissed him back with all the emotion she had been holding in since they had spent the night together. She needed him, to feel him close to her. Nathan moved, resting her bottom on the table, freeing his hands to move up and around her back and into her hair. With her balance steadied, she moved her hands inside his jumper, feeling his taut musclesflexing. Lisa’s mind attempted to tell her she needed to speak to him, to ask him why he was there, while her body throbbed all over with wanting him.
Eventually, it was Nathan who breathlessly broke their kiss.
‘I have wanted to do that since I woke to find you had left my bed,’ he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.
She breathed heavily, missing the contactof his lips. ‘Me too.’
He stepped back. ‘We need to talk.’
Lisa could hear the effect of their kiss in his voice. It made her want him more.
Before they could talk, she insisted on pouring them both a drink. Realising her mum hadn’t opened the wine, she went in search of a corkscrew. Welcoming the opportunity to gather her thoughts, she paced the kitchen, took a few deepbreaths and pondered texting Felicity with the words ‘Oh my God, Nathan is here!’ – the only words she could seem to muster, despite the pacing – before finally concluding that attempting to think wasn’t helping and returning to the lounge.
Nathan was standing, looking out of the window. She allowed her eyes to take in the scene. Outside, the clouds hung low on the mountains. She knewthey would be casting shadows into the valley. The tallest pines and some craggy rocks, exposed by wind during the night, contrasted against the snow. Inside, Nathan’s silhouette revealed strength and vitality; from his broad shoulders to his muscular legs, he looked entirely at home against the backdrop of the rugged terrain. The fire glowed, while the tree lights sparkled. If she had asked Santato deliver her up a winter wonderland fantasy for Christmas, this would have been it, but, with the uncertainty in her mind about what Nathan wanted to say, she knew it might all turn out to be an illusion. She coughed making her presence known.
As they sat at the table, the scent of the Christmas tree and heady spices filled the air. Nathan reached over and held her hand. The contactsent tingles through her body. He took a long drink of his wine and looked at her; his eyes looked darker, more serious now.
‘Lisa, I’ve come here to tell you I can’t let you go. Not again.’
She felt a warm flush spread across her neck and supressed the urge to leap up and hug him, aware that he hadn’t finished.
‘Not without telling you how I feel.’
Wait, what doesthat mean?She forced herself to breathe and to stay focused.
‘I’ve tried to play it cool. “Cool”, God I hate that word. As if I could ever be cool where you are concerned. I’ve tried to be casual, so I didn’t scare you away, but when I saw you in Cin Cin I knew I couldn’t carry on.’
Oh God, Pete’s plan; his bloody stupid plan!
‘The pretence is killing me, Lisa. I can’tstop thinking about you; you are in my thoughts day and night. I don’t know who he is, the man you were with—’
‘Nathan, it’s not what—’
‘And if that’s what you want, to see other people, I’ll just have to accept that and leave you alone because I can’t keep pretending to be cool where you are concerned. I can’t do casual. I can’t do just friends. I was struggling to keep the actup before I saw you with him. After, I knew I couldn’t—’
‘But—’
‘And I know you don’t want commitment, and that a family and settling down isn’t for you.’
But I do want that.She swallowed past a lump in her throat; unable to form the words she wanted to say.
‘That’s why I needed… need to speak to you. I didn’t want to do it by phone or text, and it turns out you’rea difficult person to track down.’
Lisa thought about the times Harold had seen Nathan at her house; the times she had missed him since they had spent the night together. ‘It’s a busy time of year for a pet sitter,’ she responded on autopilot, the words not seeming to belong to the conversation.
Nathan laughed, before returning his gaze to meet hers. ‘Lisa, the thing is, I’ve hadadventures, I’ve taken risks and I’ve travelled. All things I know are important to you.’
In the past.It was too sad to bear.They were all important in the past.
