“Isn’t that why you stayed my friend?” he asked. “To use me to stay close to Jackie and Sarah?”
“No,” I answered immediately. “Not at all. I…” I sighed and scrubbed a hand across my jaw. “Maybe at first, but you were my friend. My genuine friend. The only one I had at the time. I didn’t want you to know I knew who Jackie and Sarah were because then you would know how I had hurt them. You’re a good man, Nate. The moment you found out I hurt the peopleyou cared about—hurt your sister—I knew you would write me off.”
Nate took a deep breath, his gaze falling toward the trees around him. “You really did fuck things up.”
“I know,” I conceded.
“You really love Sarah?”
I nodded. “I always have. I always will.”
“Even if she’s never yours again? If she moves on, marries someone new, has a bunch of kids with them, and starts a new life and family away from you?” he challenged.
I smiled sadly. “Even if she’s not mine… I will always be hers. Until my final breath—the final beat of my heart—I will belong to Sarah Martin.”
“Why did you sign those papers?” he asked.
“That life you described? Her moving on, finding joy and love and a full life?” I sighed deeply. “I wanted that for her. I wanted her to move on from me—from my fuckups. She deserves so much better than me.”
Nate let out a low hum and rose to his feet. I braced myself to be sent away—Will had already offered me a place at his house while Sarah was here, close enough to keep watch until she was safe. But instead, Nate extended his hand. I took it, letting him pull me upright, yet he didn’t let go. His grip held firm as his other hand came to rest on my shoulder, steady and deliberate.
“She deserves better…fromyou.” He looked over his shoulder and through the open front door to where Sarah had truly passed out. “She needs you right now.”
I nodded. “I need her.”
“You’re sober though, right?” he asked. “I can’t have you here if you’re drinking. I can’t risk my own sobriety for you.”
“I’m sober,” I answered quickly. “Have been for a while now. Just about eight months.”
Nate smiled in pride and let go of me. “That’s impressive, truly.”
“What are you at?”
He smiled wider. “Three and a half years now.”
“Now that’s impressive,” I argued.
He shrugged. “Eh, even one day is impressive. Addiction is really a bitch. Now let’s get inside before we both freeze to death out here in this rain.”
I laughed. “Not a fan of the rain?” I asked, following him inside.
He shook his head. “Why my family thought Oregon would be the best place to settle down after growing up in a desert, I have no idea… but I like the woods, and them. So I’ll stay.”
Sarah was fully and completely asleep. Her breath came in steady puffs, her eyes closed. I smiled down at her, pushing one of her braids off her face and behind her ear.
“Where can I put her?” I asked Nate, not wanting her to spend the night on the couch.
He motioned with his chin toward the hall off of the living room. “Just down there. You can follow me.”
I nodded and bent down, sliding one arm beneath Sarah’s knees and the other behind her back, before lifting her into my arms. She didn’t stir—likely still under the effects of whatever the paramedics had given her. If anything, she settled further against me, nestling in as her head came to rest on my shoulder.
I followed Nate down the dark hall and into the guest room, where I laid Sarah down in the center of the bed and pulled the blankets up over her. I turned to leave, expecting a night on the couch, but Nate stopped me with a hand on my chest.
“She needs you, Fai. Stay with her.”
I nodded in agreement and looked back down at Sarah, grateful I wouldn’t have to leave. I needed her close to me untilmy racing and irrational heart understood she was safe here in this house.
“Just do me a favor,” he began in a whispered tone. “Don’t get freaky on the sheets the same way you did on that cave floor… they’re new. I don’t need all your… juices on them.”
