“I-I don’t know, Sarah,” I explained, “Being with you… it’s dangerous to me. I know it may not seem that way, but my heart is so fucking fractured, losing you again would shatter it into pieces so small they could never be put back together.”
She looped her fingers through mine and pulled me to sit next to her again at the end of the bed. “Why do you think you’d lose me again?”
A humorless laugh escaped my lips, “Because I don’t deserve you. I never have… I don’t think I ever will.”
“Fai,” She sighed, “Tell me… do you love me?”
“In every lifetime.”
She smiled softly, “And I love you, especially in this one.”
“But is it enough? Because it wasn't the last time. We still broke and look where it got us,” I mumbled.
She nodded slowly in understanding, “If you don’t want us together again, that’s okay—”
“That is not what I mean at all,” I interrupted. “You’re all I want, Sarah. But what if I relapse again?”
It was quiet for a moment and she took a deep breath. I had fought like hell for my sobriety, but that didn’t guarantee anything.
“I’ve thought about it,” she began. “A lot, actually. I don’t think your drinking was ever the core problem between us. It’s a problem, yes—one I want to help you overcome—but the real issue was the secrecy, the constant lying, and the fact that I let it happen. I allowed you to walk all over me, time and time again. I should have fought harder, not just for you, but for myself. I lost who I was in your addiction, and I can’t do that again. I know you could relapse tomorrow or in ten years; I accept that risk. But in the past, you always tried to hide it. You pushed everyone away. That is the part I can't live with. I want to help you, and so does our family—but we can’t do that if you shut us out.”
I digested her words and knew without a doubt she was right. All she wanted was honesty and openness from me. “I lied because I was so ashamed. I felt like such an idiot for drinking again.”
“I know,” she comforted, resting her head on my shoulder.
I sighed and rested my head on hers. Afternoon light spilled through the windows, blanketing us in a golden glow. The sound of the wind through the trees was soft in the distance, the occasional bird call singing through the sky.
“Sarah, you asked me what we were,” I muttered. “While I can’t answer that, as I think it should be your choice, I can say that I am today, I was yesterday, and I will be tomorrow, yours. Forever yours.”
She sat upright, her gaze turning to me, her mouth open slightly in surprise. “I should decide?”
I nodded. “I broke us. I know that. Yes, a relationship is a two way street but I caused the divide and widened it. I want you, so badly do I want you. But it should be your decision.”
She broke into a wide smile, and I felt a piece of my fractured heart finally snap back into place. Her eyes locked onto mine. “Then you are mine, Fai. And I am yours.”
I couldn’t handle being away from her for a moment more. I closed the distance, laying first a soft kiss on her lips, reveling in her taste. My hand wrapped behind her neck and tangled my fingers in her braids as I deepened our kiss, sweeping my tongue into her mouth. She moaned slightly, arching into my touch.
“Let me have you,” I moaned against her mouth. “Let me show you how much I love you, how much I need you.”
“Yes,” she breathed. “Now, please.” She kissed me back fervently, her tongue in my mouth, her taste overwhelming my senses.
I broke our kiss and was met with a pout, but it didn’t last long as I picked her up in my arms, her legs going to wrap around my waist but I didn’t give her the chance. I tossed her onto the bed, where she bounced with a laugh.
Her face glowed, her eyes alight with humor and overwhelming lust. I crawled onto the bed and over the top of her and between her legs. Her breaths came heavy, her chest rising and falling in anticipation. I leaned down and continued our kiss.
The last time I had my mouth on her, I thought it would be the last. I had accepted it would be the last, but now… now I was hers forever yet again. I poured my love, my devotion, my guilt, and my sorrow into the kiss, giving her everything I had and was.
I reached down my side and found her leg, hiking it at the knee as I settled into the crook of her hips. My need was prevalent against her, straining against my jeans, begging to be free andwithin her. She moaned into my mouth when I ground my hips into her. I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to.
I slid my hand up her leg, the skirt falling past her leg and pooling at her hips. I reveled in the expanse of smooth soft skin now exposed to me. I gripped her exposed hip, the lace of her panties imprinting into my skin. I moved from her lips down her neck and just above her sweater as I pushed the other side of her skirt up, the whole thing now at her waist. Her stark white, lacy underwear was fully exposed to me, the evidence of how much she wanted me impossible to ignore.
“Fuck,” I groaned and I dived straight into her. I kissed, sucked and licked above her underwear, letting it act as friction against her. She squirmed underneath my touch, her hips grinding against my face with more fever as the minutes passed. The smell and taste of her enveloped me, luring me in deeper.
“Fai,” she groaned. I glanced up, seeing her head thrown back, her eyes glassy with need. I smirked, knowing what she wanted without needing the words.
I took my thumb and moved the underwear out of my way, exposing her glistening pussy. I wanted nothing more to lose myself in her taste and that I did. I dived back in, licking and sucking from her opening to her clit that spasmed under my touch, teetering on the edge I was waiting for.
“Do not stop,” she demanded through moans, her breaths quickening. She was about to be very mad at me.
