Kade stiffened immediately. “It’s your house, sir,” he said demurely. “That’s your decision to make.”
I had absolutely no objection to him wanting to spend some quality time with one of his own kind. But… “You’ve met dozens of other dimari over the past year. We still visit some of them on a regular basis.”
“Yes, sir,” Kade said, and his tone was distinctly flat this time. Shit.
“I’m not criticising your desire to have a friend,” I told him. “I’m just not sure I understand the nuances of the situation.”
Kade chewed his lip for a moment. “If I may emphasise a nuance of my own, sir, we do not visit other dimari. We visit their masters. The dimari just happen to be there. And aside from a few short conversations or cooking lessons, you and the other dimari’s master are always there, as part of the conversation.”
“So you’re not getting any privacy to talk about things that just the two of you would understand.” I nodded. Now that he’d said it, it was obvious. “Whereas if Jai was living here, I couldn’t possibly be around all the time, so you’d get the chance to spend time together, with just the two of you.”
A trickle of violet rippled across the scales over Kade’s collarbone – a typical sign of agitation in a Vangravian – so I jumped in before he could start apologising. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to spend some time with another dimari,” I said firmly. “And I take no offence whatsoever to you wanting to talk to him without me there. That’s a perfectly normal desire.”
“Yes, sir,” he said, wary, but not upset. “But if I may point out something else – on the negative side of adopting Jai – I’m not certain how we would accommodate his training as an erotic companion. According to his records, he’s been specifically trained to accommodate groups. Two people is not a group. And he’s also been trained in advanced bondage techniques. I’m not aware that you have any such desires. So he may end up being somewhat confused about why you purchased him.”
I nodded. “Unfortunately, no matter what we do, we’re not likely to find a home for him where all of his training could ever be put to good use. Alliance culture just doesn’t allow for that sort of thing. The triad who took Nol was an unusual situation.” There were a select few businesses on Rendol 4 that provided sexual services to the public, but they were strictly regulated, and a dimari would never be permitted to work in one – specifically because his consent could never be properly assured in such a situation.
“That does raise a good point, though,” I added. “Because, if we did adopt him, I’d have absolutely no problem with you and him having sex with each other without me there. Assuming you both agree to it, that is. I’d neverorderyou to get frisky together. But if he’s an erotic companion, I’d probably struggle to keep him satisfied just by myself.
“But the other thing that concerns me is his non-conformist behaviour. I’m not blaming Jai for that. There are likely some very good reasons for him to be displaying a certain amount ofrebellion. But that’s an issue we’re both going to have to work through with him if he comes to live here. And given that I’ve never dealt with anything like that before, it’s not likely to be smooth sailing.”
“On a practical level,” Kade said, “that’s potentially another good reason why we – you – should adopt him.” That minor slip of the tongue didn’t escape my notice, though I didn’t point it out. “If he has experienced any kind of trauma – some excessively harsh punishment, perhaps – then having another dimari here should be reassuring. If he can see that you treat me kindly, and if I assure him that you’re a diligent master, then he’ll have fewer concerns about what sort of person has bought him.”
“Certainly a valid point,” I said. Once again, I’d never had to deal with two dimari living in the same house before. They were rare enough on Rendol 4 that it was highly unlikely for one person to ever accidentally stumble upon two of them.
“Okay, well, we’ve made some good points,” I said, stifling another yawn. “I’m not making any firm decisions tonight, though. Let’s sleep on it, and we’ll talk it through some more with Henderson in the morning. But it’s good to know it’s a possibility, if we don’t come up with anything more suitable.”
“Yes, sir,” Kade agreed, snuggling down further into the blankets. I reached over and switched off the light, then felt Kade curl up against my back, pressing one of his legs between mine. He’d always been a very physical sort of man, and I wondered about his apparent desire to have sexy playtime with another dimari. I certainly wasn’t a prude, but we’d have to do a solid amount of work with Jai to make sure he understood the concept of consent before seriously considering anything of the sort. I got no further with that line of thinking before I fell fast asleep.
The loud jangling of my comm on the nightstand had me sitting halfway up in bed, some unknown amount of time later,and I scrambled to answer the thing in a panic. Unfortunately, that just made me knock it onto the floor, and I had to dive halfway off the bed to retrieve it. I finally managed to answer the call, without even looking at who the caller was. I was assuming it was Henderson, probably with some emergency involving one of the dimari.
But when the holographic screen brought up an image of the caller, I muttered, “Oh, fucking hell,” before I could think better of it. It was Cole, the new and not entirely willing owner of Xel, a dimari who’d lost his master just a couple of days ago. And that was one more thing that was new territory – how the hell did a dimari cope when his master had just died? As much as I had other things on my mind right now – the pressing need for sleep not least of them – I also knew I had a responsibility to continue supporting the other dimari owners all over Rendol 4.
I glanced at Kade, who was also awake by now, anticipating that this call might take a while. “Kade, can you…?” I didn’t even need to finish the sentence before he was climbing out of bed. “I’ll go and sleep in the spare room,” he said, navigating the darkened room with his usual graceful steps. Once he was gone, I turned back to Cole. “What’s up?” I asked him. “I take it it’s urgent, given the time of night?” I hoped I didn’t sound too petulant about that. I had told him he could call me at any time, after all.
“I’m not having sex with Xel,” Cole blurted out. “Absolutely not. That’s just…absolutelyinsane!”
I held back a sigh as Cole went on a rant about all the things that were wrong with the expectation. I wasn’t the slightest bit surprised by his objections. This was a conversation I’d had with dozens of dimari owners over the past year. Sex was the most intrinsic reward a dimari could get, and engaging in sexual activity of some form with them was absolutely non-negotiable.
That said, it usually took me a couple of weeks to talk a person through all the details of that situation, along with all the nuances of consent, and I’d been hoping to avoid having this conversation with Cole for another few days yet.
I spent fifteen minutes talking him down, though I was barely able to keep my eyes open the whole time. And more concerning than Cole’s panic about sex was the news that Xel had started reacting strangely to normal, everyday events. A dimari who’d lost their master was likely to be feeling a whole array of emotions that I’d never encountered in a dimari before, and I sorely wished I had more time to spend helping both of them adapt. The best advice I had for Cole was simply for him to feel his way through it, one day at a time. We were both in uncharted territory, and I didn’t have any better answers than that.
The call finally ended, and I slumped back into bed, my brain a rioting mess of ideas and feelings. Stars above, if I made it to the end of the week without going mad, it was going to be a miracle.
CHAPTER TEN
JAI
By the middle of the morning the following day, I was beginning to regret my flagrant disobedience. I’d slept poorly last night, then been woken once again by the yellow and black lady presenting me with breakfast and telling me to sit down and eat. But in contrast to the other days here, this time, I was eating alone.
Yesterday, the rest of the dimari here had gradually been called away to meet their masters. Each time, I’d wanted to warn them not to hope for anything good. Their masters would use them and discard them, just as mine was going to. Our trainers had promised us that we would be loved. But my training had taught me that nothing but the opposite could possibly be true. I was a machine to be used, not a person to be loved.
But of course, I’d been unable to say anything. My mind was too foggy to put the words together, my thoughts too jumbled to make any real sense of them. But I had the distinct feeling that each of those poor souls had been walking towards their own doom, rather than towards a joyful future.
But the problem now was that I was still here, waiting for my own master, while they had all gone off to places unknown. I’d wanted to upset my master by refusing to perform the proper routines. And it seemed I had succeeded, since he had so far neglected to come and collect me. I tried to cling onto the pale thrill of having displeased him, but as the morning wore on, the cold truth settled deep in my gut. I wanted my master to come and claim me. I wanted to go home.
Not that I had a clue what ‘home’ was going to look like. Home was not the training centre. Home was a nebulous idea in which I had a master who loved me, who cared for me, who valued me. But it had been a long time since I’d believed such a place existed.
