I couldn’t help but smile. “Is that how you felt just before you met me?” Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked. The meeting itself hadgone less than smoothly, partly because I’d had no idea there was a dimari in the crate I’d foolishly opened, and partly because I was in the middle of a mission rapidly heading south, which had quickly devolved into a gun fight right there in the doorway to Kade’s crate.
But Kade grinned. “When I heard your footsteps moving around outside, I got an erection,” he admitted bluntly. “Then I had to work very hard to make it go away again, since I didn’t think greeting my new master with that sort of salute would be appropriate.”
I glanced at Kyle, wondering how he was reacting to the information. And perhaps it was a consequence of him being a doctor that he didn’t seem particularly embarrassed. A lot of the dimari owners I’d spoken to had been rather horrified about the whole sexual service side of a dimari’s life, and I’d rapidly had to get over my own embarrassment at the idea that I was some sort of father figure giving ‘the talk’ to my teenage children.
“Ready to go?” I asked Kyle.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” he said, standing up. We’d transferred a code to unlock the door to his comm earlier, and the hallway was being monitored by security, to make sure there was no risk of anyone else wandering into the middle of our unusual procedure. “Wish me luck.” He headed for the door, head held high, and we turned our attention to the screen, waiting for him to open the door into the conference room.
It took a few seconds, and I suspected he’d paused to take a couple of deep breaths in the hallway. But then the door on the screen opened and Kyle stepped inside.
Nik’s body snapped to attention, his back ramrod straight, and even via the screen, we could tell he was breathing fast. Kyle smiled at him, and we heard him say, “Hello, Nik. My name’s Kyle. I’m going to be your master. I’m so very glad to meet you.”
Nik wriggled, his gaze dropping to focus on the floor. “It is a pleasure to meet you, master.”
“Come and sit down,” Kyle said, gesturing to one of the chairs, then he sat down opposite Nik. We listened as Kyle carefully explained to Nik that he wished to be called ‘sir’, instead of ‘master’. We watched as he gave him a brief history of the Alliance and where in Alliance space Rendol 4 was. Nik was hanging eagerly on every word, his expression attentive, and by the end of the session, he was starting to gain a little confidence, sending his master bashful smiles and a little coy flirtation.
I felt the most bizarre combination of guilt and satisfaction at the display of affection. Most of the dimari I’d worked with had started out with masters who didn’t have a clue how to look after them, and I’d started my part of the process with frustrated owners and depressed dimari. There was something magical about watching one come straight out of the box, as it were, and into the arms of a master who had both the skills and the willingness to make sure he was well cared for right from the outset.
But at the same time, I hated the slave trade. I hated the training the Eumadians put the dimari through, I hated the mind-control technology they used to do it, and I hated the way that so much of Kade’s life had been stolen from him by people who had never even given him a chance.
After about half an hour, Kyle seemed to decide that he’d explained enough for the time being, and he stood up, telling Nik that he was going to take him home now.
“Yes, sir,” Nik said enthusiastically, and Soka quickly stood up as well.
“That’s my cue,” she said. She’d offered to escort the various visitors to the base to and from the meeting rooms, and our next guest was due to arrive at any moment. “I’ll be back soon.”
She left the room and we watched her collect Kyle from the conference room, and then we all breathed a collective sigh of relief.
“One down, seven to go?” I said, trying to sound more optimistic than I was feeling.
“That went exceptionally well,” Henderson said, a rare burst of optimism from a man who was more prone to scowling and glaring at people. “You should be proud of yourself, Aiden. You did well.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said, knowing that his praise wasn’t the part that mattered. If the dimari ended up happy and healthy, in secure and caring homes, then that was all the praise I needed.
◊◊◊
By half past eleven, I was beginning to get a headache. “I appreciate it’s been difficult to run the house by yourself after Derek died,” I was saying to our latest visitor, a woman named Helen who was contemplating adopting one of the domestic servants. In a break in the routine, I was sitting alone with her in the meeting room. Everyone else, Kade included, had been given a break while I explained some of the cold, hard facts to a woman whom I wasn’t quite sure was listening. “Derek was a true asset to the military and I know Henderson has been offering whatever extra help he can, over and above Derek’s pension. And with your three children, I know taking on a dimari might seem like a magical solution to all of your problems. Toz can help with the housework, he can help take care of the kids, and as far as intimacy goes, he’s…” I hesitated, not sure how to politely phrase the rest of it.
“A compliant sex dispenser?” Helen said, her expression showing that she knew exactly how distasteful that sounded, even if I wasn’t willing to say it.
I cringed, even as I nodded. “Figuring out systems to make sure a dimari is consenting to sex is a complicated thing that takes a lot of time and effort. Please don’t take this personally, but I’ve interviewed a lot of people in the last year, and plenty of them really don’t understand the way it works. The most important thing you need to accept is that a dimari is not, and cannot be, a romantic partner. Not like Derek was. They don’t have free will. They have a very limited capacity for decision making. A dimari will certainly do the housework for you, but you still have to tell him what to do, teach him the routines of the house, and constantly give him guidance about any changes to that routine. He’ll give you as much companionship as he can manage, but a person with free will would also be capable of things like buying you a surprise gift for your birthday, or making a decision if the kids ask to go to a friend’s house, or supporting you through a career change. Dimari aren’t able to do that. They’ll tell you that they’re happy with whatever you decide to do, but they’re not going to sit down and work through the pros and cons of a major life decision with you. Toz is never going to openly contradict you, if he thinks you’re making a bad decision. And as much as that might sound like the ideal fantasy lover – someone who never disagrees with you – it actually means a lot of work on your end to make sure his needs are being met as well.”
Normally, I wouldn’t be nearly so blunt in explaining the way a dimari saw life. But Helen had come here, not eager and willing to care for a dimari, but rather with a shopping list of questions about whether that would make her life easier, after the death of her husband just over a year ago. And the more I tried to hammer the truth home, the less she seemed to be listening. The fact that I’d had to get so blunt about it was the reason I’d eventually asked to speak to Helen alone. Kade would certainly have objected to my descriptions of how a dimarithought, though he wouldn’t have said so out loud. He was aware of his own limitations, but continued to misunderstand how large a gap there was between his capabilities and the expectations of Alliance members.
“I’m confused,” Helen said. “And I’m genuinely not trying to be difficult here. But Toz needs a home. And I need someone to help me look after the house. And dimari enjoy raising children. Or at least, I’ve been led to believe they do.”
“So long as that’s been part of their training, then yes,” I agreed.
“So I would be giving Toz exactly the life he desires,” Helen pressed. “And he would be freeing me up to spend more timeplayingwith my children, rather than just washing them and feeding them and cleaning the house. So forgive me if I’m being obtuse, but I’m still not seeing why you think this is such a problematic idea.”
“I’m concerned because I believe you see a dimari as a potential new husband. Which is a role he’s never going to be able to fill. And secondly, you seem to have given no thought at all as to what you’d do with him once your children are grown up. Think of this as being like adopting a fourth child, but it’s one who’s never, ever going to grow up and leave home. You’ll be looking after him for the rest of your life.”
I’d expected that part to pull her up. But instead, she smiled, genuine warmth lighting her face. “That would actually be really nice,” she said. “See, the whole thing about this is that it’s not like I can’t hire a cleaner or a nanny to help on a temporary basis. But I want someone consistent. I want someone who’s not going to quit after six months when they decide to move to Dranva with their new boyfriend. I want my children to grow up knowing that there’s someone there who loves them, who’s not just looking after them because they’re being paid for it. And after they’re grown and out living their own lives…well, I imagine life could get quite lonely. With Toz, we can go travelling. We can visit any grandchildren that come along. We can study painting, or learn the Wasop styles of dancing, or… whatever! And yes, you’re probably going to tell me that that’s exactly the role a husband would take, but I’m perfectly capable of taking the lead and finding plenty of interesting things to do. But having someone to do them with makes everything so much more enjoyable.
“Right now, I’m drowning in dirty dishes and baskets of laundry. But I have so many other things I want to do with my life further down the track as well.”
Helen fell silent, waiting for my reply. I watched her carefully, trying to weigh the truth of what she was saying. At the end of the day, I realised, my concern wasn’t that she wasn’t prepared to take on the full responsibility of caring for a dimari. It was that in the short term, she was far more willing than most people to make use of her dimari’s willingness to serve her.
