“Sharon was good in bed, yes. She needed something. I wanted to give it. It worked. It worked for one night. She’s nice, and I like her as a person, but we don’t even remotely want the same things.”
“But she’s great in bed?”
“I said she wasgoodin bed,” she corrected. “Carrie, you aregreatin bed. You are amazing. This might sound bad, but Sharon was like the warm-up I needed. Then, I needed Jennifer to leave me hanging and for Nia to tell me off because I had to realize that she was right. Babe, I had the best sex of my life with you last night and again just a couple of hours ago.”
“You don’t have to say that, Gage.”
“I’m not just saying it. Carrie, I’ve never made love before. I can’t say that anymore, can I? We made love last night. It was fucking amazing, and I want to do that again with you over and over and over again. I came on your leg,” she said with a little laugh. “I told you, I have never done that before, either. So, when I tell you that Sharon was good in bed, it’s to say that that’s all she was to me. She was a one-night stand; the last one I hope to have because even if you and I don’t work out, I don’t think I want that anymore.”
“One-night stands?”
“Yeah. I want real.” She shrugged a shoulder. “Meeting you made me realize that even if you and I…” She looked away from Carrie. “Well, we just met, so we don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. I guess we never do, but I want real, Carrie. Sex with Sharon isn’t real. It was just sex. And now that I know the difference, I don’t want that.”
Carrie smiled at her and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I get what you’re saying. I’ll control my jealousy.”
“You don’t have to. I like it, remember? I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with it myself.”
“Youdoknow I’ve been with guys, right?”
“Yes.”
Carrie started walking and added, “And that one of the guys I’ve been with is also one of my best friends?”
“What? No.”
“I have two best friends. One is Bradley, which is actually their last name. The other is Christian.”
“And Christian is…”
“My ex-boyfriend, yes. We dated for two years.”
“How long ago?”
“We broke up when I realized I was gay and told him.”
“So recently, then?”
“He’ll be my last boyfriend.”
“I see. He’s your friend now?”
“He was my friend first. We’ve been friends for a while. Then, one night, we had a few too many drinks, and we slept together. We decided to try dating after that.”
“I see. Controlling my jealousy,” she said and sucked air through her gritted teeth.
Carrie laughed and asked, “Do you want to know this?”
“Yes, I do. It’s just hard, thinking of someone else being with you.”
“Same for me with you,” Carrie replied. “The sex dried up with him very quickly.”
“Oh, that makes it better,” she joked.
Carrie laughed again and said, “One night, we were lying in bed. He wanted to have sex, and I just didn’t. It was weird because he rarely even asked for it, and when he did, I usually gave in, but that night, I said that I wasn’t in the mood, and I started to wonder why I was never in the mood to have sex with my boyfriend, whom Ididlove. Bradley had just met theirgirlfriend, and I was watching them fall in love, and I knew that I loved Christian but that I wasn’t actuallyinlove with him. It took me a minute, but I told him that I thought we’d be better as friends. He was hurt, but he handled it so well, and when he asked why, I told him that I thought I might be gay. We took some time apart after that to deal with it, and then, he texted me one day that he still wanted to be friends. It was awkward at first, but he’s one of my very best friends in the world now. He has since met his girlfriend, whom he’s probably going to ask to marry him soon. They’re perfect for each other, and well, you know thatI’mtotally and completely gay and not at all interested in sex with men, so there’s no risk or need to be jealous.”
