“Hey, thiswillpass. You’re a massive star. It’s not like you’ll never be in a movie again.”
“That may be true, but right now, I need to be in one more than I usually do.”
“Why?”
“Because when I’m working, I can be distracted from the fact that my relationship with the woman I once thought I’d marry is falling apart and I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to save it.”
River looked back out at the water and knew she felt the exact same way.
CHAPTER 20
Kennedy
Kennedy hadn’t said that out loud to anyone before; not in those exact words, anyway. Now, she was telling a practical stranger that she and Cameron might not last much longer as a couple. It was totally unlike her. She’d spent decades cultivating the kind of image that told reporters and anyone else that if they asked her a personal question about her love life, she’d either sidestep it with grace and practiced ease or give them a sound bite on her terms. In other words, they could try, but she’d only give them whatshewanted to give them, and over the years, she had gotten really good at keeping her secrets.
She’d also gotten really good at keeping her own company, which was why she hadn’t had many serious girlfriends prior to Cameron, despite being in her early thirties when they met. She had never been one to tell people much, and these days, that included Cameron. It hadn’t always included her, and Cameron hadn’t necessarily done anything to deserve her slowly shutting down on her, but Kennedy had. Now, they were here, and Kennedy wasn’t sure if they were going anywhere else good.
“Hey, how did you come out?”
“Huh?” Kennedy asked.
“Well, I don’t think I know the story. I guess I looked up a few articles about both of you when I realized that I was cominghere – mostly because I wanted to have things to talk about outside of candy-making and shop ownership.” River chuckled. “But I only saw a few things that mentioned that.”
“It was a long time ago, so old news.”
“Isn’t that good for you? Ifthat’sold news, your fight with Cameron will soon be, too.”
She bumped Kennedy’s shoulder slightly, making her smile a tight smile.
“It took a long time for that to be old news. I answered questions about it regularly until I was in my late twenties, so I’m not sure thatthatshould be your litmus test, but thank you for trying.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind. It wasn’t how I wanted to do it, exactly, but it happened, and I’ve moved on, so there’s that, I guess. Basically, I was nineteen, and I’d just decided to take some time off from work to go to school.”
“I thought you were on a TV show.”
“I was. It was an ensemble show, though. Yes, as I got older, they started to shift me more into a lead role, but at first, I was just one of the teenagers. Anyway, we’d wrapped a season, and I’d already talked to the producers about lessening my role because I wanted to go to college. I had this plan to go part-time and take three classes a semester while I was working. I could’ve done it if I only needed to be on set one to two days a week, which was what they’d agreed to. I hadn’t signed my new contract yet when I’d gone to the campus for a visit and to make my schedule with a counselor. They recommended that because of who I was and had someone show me around everywhere. It was fun. She was very nice. We had lunch. Then, we had dinner. She showed me her dorm room, and she was twenty-one, a resident advisor with her own room. I liked her, and I was stupid.”
“Oh,” River said.
“Didn’t see the story goingthatway, did you?”
“No, I can’t say that I did.”
Kennedy looked down at the towel and said, “Anyway, the morning after, I went home with her number, thinking we’d go on a date. She wasn’t my first, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’d been with one other girl before that. She had worked on the show. For her, it had been something to do, but for me, it had been life-affirming. I’d never even kissed a boy before. I mean, where would I find them? I was always on set or with tutors from the age I would maybe even be interested in kissing boys, but then that interest never came, and I thought I was interested in kissing girls instead.”
“I understand that,” River said.
Kennedy laughed quietly and continued, “When I called her number, she didn’t answer, so I left a message. I thought everything was okay, but then, it wasn’t. The show decided that they couldn’t let me sign that new contract after all, and they actually wanted to increase my role. Zane was so happy for me because it meant they saw me as a leading lady, but I’d wanted some time off and to go to school. Then, I found out that the girl I liked and had slept with, thinking we could maybe be something more than just a casual hookup, told her friends about us. One of those friends talked to someone else, and that’s all it takes for people like me and Cam. Suddenly, there were people gossiping, articles popping up, and people asking me questions wherever I went, until I just decided to tell them. I had this idea that if I came out as gay, the studio wouldn’t like that, and maybe they’d give me what I wanted. It would’ve been a great compromise. They’d slowly be able to get rid of me without firing me, and they could say the new contract was my choice because it was. I’d get to remain on the show I’d liked working on and go to school at the same time. They disagreed.”
“They tried to fire you?”
“No, they were trying to capitalize on it. This was before things were how they are now. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still not enough, and sometimes, there’s nogoodrepresentation of people like you and me on TV, but back then, those stories about girls who were seemingly straight, experimented a little, and then went back to the boyfriends they’d been written to be soulmates with were all the rage. My character had one of those soulmates, so they wanted her to experiment a bit and go back to him. I didn’t want that, but I was under a new contract, and I wasn’t in charge, so that’s what I did.”
“You didn’t go to school?”
Kennedy shook her head and said, “No. When I thought about it more, the idea of spending time on a college campus where people would be staring at me, especially after coming out, and not really being able to trust anyone, didn’t sound all that appealing. Later, I thought I might go online, but I never did. Before you suggest I do that now, though, since I’m not working, it’s a non-starter.” She sighed. “That time in my life has passed. I’m good now. I think I just wanted to experience something normal in my life more than I really wanted to go to school. It wasn’t about learning necessarily. It was about spending time with people my own age, going to parties with them, having to study something that wasn’t a script to learn my lines, or working on a group project.”
