“It’s not that simple,” he says, like it’s obvious, like I don’t understand. “She’s my girlfriend.”
“And what am I?”
He doesn’t have an answer for that. He looks at me with unfocused eyes, and then he’s pushing me back against the wall, kissing me with his whole body.
“Jason—” I try to protest, but it comes out muffled when his lips refuse to move.
“Stop talking,” he says, grabbing me through my jeans. I gasp when his hand makes contact with my cock. He’s never once touched me there. He acted disgusted by it the time I asked.
“Wait—”
“I couldn’t come with her,” he says into my neck, squeezing me while my brain tries to catch up to what’s happening. “I could barely stay hard.” He laughs, but it doesn’t feel directed at me. “Had to think aboutyouthe whole time.”
I don’t know what to do with that.
It makes me feel something that isn’t quite good, but isn’t as bad as it should be. Because he was thinking about me, even in there, even with her.
It doesn’t make me feel good enough to want to fuck him after what he did.
“Jason, I really think we should—”
“I love you.”
He says it into my hair, almost too quiet to hear, slurred from the alcohol. I’m not even sure he knows he said it.
I love you.
My hands that have been trying to push him away still against his chest.
“Let me fuck you,” he says against my ear, squeezing my cock through my jeans one more time before reaching back to my ass. “I need you.”
And god help me, I let him.
I turn around, braced against the brick, and let him shove my jeans down to my ankles. His fingers go to my hole, pausing when his pointer finger slides in easily. “Look at you,” he says,with a laugh that makes my stomach twist. “So fucking needy. Waiting out here all night, ready for me.”
My face burns against the cold wall.
He slides into me with no mercy, fucking me hard and fast from the start with a hand in my hair, shoving me against the wall, the brick scratching rough against my cheek.
This isn’t how I imagined it would be when I was getting ready tonight, when I was standing in the bathroom applying my eyeliner, thinking maybe tonight was going to be special.
It’s no different from usual.
But he said helovedme.
All I’ve ever wanted is for someone to love me.
So I let him fuck me as hard as he has to, and I hold onto that. Someone loves me. Someone chose me when they had no obligation to me. Some wantsme.
I hold onto that until I can’t anymore.
Now
Mike told me about the party this time.
I’m not shocked when I walk into the house and find people everywhere, dressed in the sluttiest versions of classic characters. He asked a week ago if it was okay. He said he knew I didn’t enjoy his parties, but he always throws one on Halloween, and people arecounting on him,and he had just sucked my dick, and what could I say?
He shouldn’t have to suffer for my hang-ups.
