“I’m not finished.” He holds up a hand, and I close my mouth. “People want me. I don’t have to do this shit. Revolving my life around someone who isn’t proud to be with me. You think I cheated on you? Icouldn’t.Last night, I went home with the hottest chick from the bar, and I couldn’t get it up because I couldn’t stop thinking aboutyou. Feeling like I was doing something wrong when you don’t even—”
He cuts himself off, wiping furiously at his cheeks when a tear falls from his eye, and I shake my head, because he’s wrong.He doesn’t understand. I love him. But he doesn’t stop, and the next words he says…
“So, I think I’m done.”
“No,” I say, closing the distance between us until I’m right in front of him, taking his hands in mine. He doesn’t hold them back. “No, Mike, listen to me. That’s not true. I lo—”
I stop before saying that word.Not like this.
“I know I’ve been handling this badly, but please don’t—”
“Alex.”
“I’ll do it,” I say, desperate in a way I’ve never been before. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it. I’ll tell Nate, call him right now if you want. I’ll touch you. I’ll—” I stumble over the words, but I still say them because I have to.
I can’t lose him.
“I’ll suck your dick. Right here. Come on.” I pull on his hands to get him to stand up. I can do this. Jason doesn’t matter right now. I can suck his dick, and I can enjoy it. He can fuck my face. Whatever he wants.
Ican’tlose him.
He pulls away from my grip with a sad laugh. “It’s too late for that.”
“I mean it.” I step closer, desperate, close enough that I can see how tired his eyes are. How sad. I didn’t even know he felt this way. And when I’m done begging him to give me another chance, I’m going to hate myself for it.
“I’m serious. Whatever you need to believe that I want you, I’ll do it. Just tell me. Please, don’t give up on me.”
Something shifts in his face. The controlled expression cracking slightly. “You’ll do anything?” he whispers, bringing his hand up to caress my cheek, and I feel like I can breathe for the first time in weeks.
I nod. “Anything.”
He slides his hand up to my hair, running his fingers through the blonde strands, and it feels so good to be touched by him again that I almost don’t register his next words.
“I want to fuck you.” His voice is gentle. No teasing or bold confidence, only the truth. The one thing that will make him stay. “I want you to let me in completely. No more of the macho BS. I know you would love it if you gave it a chance.”
The kitchen is silent while he waits for my answer.
But everything in me is frozen.
Chapter 20
Before
I’ve been working up to this for weeks.
I’ve gone over the words, lying awake at three in the morning while Nate sleeps down the hall. I’ve run through every version of the conversation, every possible reaction from him.
I’ve never told anyone the truth about me.
But Iris is transgender, and Nate still loves her.
He doesn’t care that she’s trans. It doesn’t change a single thing about how he feels. Over the past few weeks, I’ve watched him learn that love doesn’t work the way he thought it did. That sometimes it doesn’t look the way Dad told him it had to.
If Nate can love her still, maybe—
Maybe.
So I have a plan.
