My mother answeredon the second ring, sounding more anxious than usual. “Thaddeus? Oh, thank God. Phillip said he hadn’t seen you since?—”
“I’m fine, Mum,” I cut her off, guilt curling in my belly. “I’m just taking a little time off work, that’s all.”
My comment was greeted by a moment of dead silence. Then, “What happened? Did you and Judd have a fight? I told you he has a very sensitive nature, and you know you can be thoughtless at times. You really need to think before you speak.”
And there it was.
I rolled my eyes at Ziggy who was lying beside me with all four paws in the air. He stared up at me, somewhat creepily, the whites of his eyes on full display.
“Why do you always assume it’s my fault?” I snapped, instantly regretting my tone when the phone fell silent once again. I sighed and dragged a hand down my face. “I’m sorry, Mum, but it’s true.”
She said nothing for a moment, and I could almost hear her counting to ten. While I was waiting, Ziggy flipped onto his belly and put his chin on his paws. Seconds later, he was snoring. I pulled a face and mouthed the words,Some emotional-support dog you turned out to be.
“I didn’t say it was your fault,” my mother grumbled. “If you tell me what happened, I might be able to help.”
Help me patch things up is what she really meant, and for a brief moment, I thought about telling her everything, I really did. But I simply wasn’t prepared for the inevitable dissection of my entire life that would result from the admission that my best friend had fucked my live-in boyfriend. My mother hadn’t talkedto me for six months when I dropped out of university to start a company, even though the business made me a lot of money. Coming to grips with my walking out on said company wasn’t going to be pretty.
I loved my mother, I truly did, but she didn’t believe in following your gut or your heart. That was far too risky a proposition for an immigrant from a war-torn country in central Europe. Her life goals could be summed up in a few phrases. Fit in. Keep your head down. Don’t make waves. Be thankful for what you have. Don’t push your luck. If it had been up to my mother, I wouldn’t even have come out until after I’d left home. Less risky that way.
Admittedly, she’d mellowed a lot in the years since I’d been that terrified young teen confessing his sexuality to his divorced mother. She’d accepted it better than I expected. My dad was in England by then, married and with a new baby to worry about, so my coming out as gay barely registered on his radar in the once-a-year phone calls we shared.
My mother’s worries were centred around my safety and future happiness, the gay target market being significantly smaller than the straight one. She preferred me safely coupled up rather than single and never hid her disappointment when my relationships inevitably fizzled.
I’d wondered at times if Judd had been an easy solution to that gnarly little problem rather than the actual love of my life, but I really hadn’t wanted to confront the idea. Not saying that I didn’t love Judd, only that other forces were in play, namely the relief of having a partner that my mother approved of. The fact that Judd was drop-dead gorgeous rated high in my mother’s books.
“Thaddeus?” my mother prompted.
I drew a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “Judd and I are over, Mum.”
I heard a sharp intake of breath.
“He cheated on me, and I’m taking a little time off to decide where I go from here.” I didn’t have the bandwidth right then to confess who the other party had been or the impact on my company, T.G. Inc. That could wait.
“I see.” A long silence ensued before my mother cautiously added, “Are you positive that you two can’t work it out? These kinds of mistakes don’t always have to mean the end of a relationship. Forgiveness is hard but?—”
I cut her off, “It wasn’t a one-time mistake, Mum. It’s been going on for five months, so no, I’m not prepared towork it out, whatever that means. I can’t ignore five months of lying and deceit.”
“I didn’t say you have to ignore it,” she countered, and I imagined those brown eyes flashing in irritation. “I simply don’t want you to make a mistake that you might regret later.”
“Juddmade the mistake, Mum, not me. And I’m perfectly okay with my decision. Does it hurt? Yes. But I’ll get over it. Phillip said you asked him where I was, and so I’m letting you know I’m fine and that I’m taking a well-earned break. Phillip can hold the fort while I’m gone.”
“Gone?” That threw her. I rarely left Wellington. “Gone where, exactly?” I pictured that familiar deep crease forming between her brows, the one that said I was disappointing her... again.
“I haven’t decided on a destination,” I told her. “I’m just winging it for now.” It wasn’t until I said the words that I realised that was exactly what I was doing.
My overly organised and conservative mother had no idea what to do with that. “But—” she began, then stopped. “Fine. But at least come and visit before you go.”
“I can’t, Mum,” I confessed. “Because I’m not in Wellington.” Technically, a grey area in the truth department, but it woulddo. “I’ll keep in touch, but please, please, promise me you won’t contact JuddorPhillip. Phillip will have his hands full keeping the company going without me. I really mean it. I want you to promise.”
She took a while to respond before finally agreeing. “Okay. I promise. I won’t call JuddorPhillip.”
The relief was instant. “Thank you. Now I have to go. I love you, Mum. You know that.”
She gave a heavy sigh. “I love you too. And I’m sorry about Judd, but maybe you could keep an open mind and not give up on him entirely. He’s a nice guy who made a poor choice. Not unlike your father.”
Oh, boy.“You’re not helping your case, Mum. Which of Dad’spoor choicesare you referring to? The first affair or the last, or any of the numerous ones in between, up until he found the woman he finally left us for.”
More silence.
