Thaddeus pushed his remaining pancake to the side of his plate. “Me too. Can you protest? Like another injunction or something?”
I shook my head. “Tim tried, but this is a much more black-and-white issue than the lease hearing. There’s really not much I can do to stop them.” I pushed my chair back and stood. “Come on, Tap. We should go. Grab the extra gear and I’ll meet you in the truck.” I reached for Tap’s plate, but Thaddeus beat me to it, his hand circling my wrist.
“Not a chance.” He met my gaze, the soft gold in his eyes almost khaki in the dull light of the cloudy morning. “Get going. I’ll clean up.” The squeeze he gave my wrist may as well have been around my damn cock for the way I reacted.
Thaddeus’s smile warmed like he knew, and heat pooled in my groin.
I slowly pulled free of his grasp, his fingers trailing down my hand and leaving fire in their wake. “Thanks, Thaddeus. You’ve got my number if you need me. We’re only a fifteen-minute drive away today. I can pop back if you need me. Oh, and if a truckload of landscaping rocks arrives, just send them to dump it by the machinery shed. It’ll save them calling me at work.”
Thaddeus nodded. “Will do.”
I grabbed my keys and water bottle and headed for where Tap was waiting in the hall. At the last minute, I turned back. “Hey, Thaddeus?”
He looked up from the dishwasher, his gaze curious. “Yes?”
“We, ah, well, we didn’t really talk about it, and I was wondering if you’d still be here tonight? When I get back? I know you said you’d be finished writing the new ventilation software this morning, or the irrigation one, I can’t remember which, so I just wondered.” It sounded even more pathetically needy aloud than it did in my head.
In the hall behind me, Tap give a choked laugh.
Thaddeus studied me, his expression unreadable. “Do youwantme to still be here?”
Did I?The million-dollar question. The sensible part of me screamed,No. Go home.Thaddeus was never going to be more than a temporary splash of colour in my world. He needed to go home and sort out his life. A life which didn’t include any of the things I held dear, like gardens and isolation and shit. And he needed to leave before I did something very, very stupid.
I caught his gaze and held it. “Yes. If you think the extra time would help, then yes. I’d like that.”
Or I could do the stupid thing and to hell with the consequences.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THADDEUS
The minutethe kitchen was clean, I headed for the shower, relishing the sting of hot spray pummelling my back like a million needles.I’d like that.Ryder’s careful answer shouldn’t have meant as much as it did, and I tried not to think about the why of that. It didn’t take a mind reader to know that he was physically attracted to me, just like I was to him. He was shit at hiding the hunger in his eyes when he thought I wasn’t watching.
Well, join the club. The man was hardly chopped liver himself. I was continually looking for excuses to be near him, but I also wasn’t kidding myself. I knew that my work on his glasshouse systems had been the clincher in his decision to let me stay past Friday night. I was useful to his world, and that carried some weight. But it likely didn’t mean more than that, and frankly, I didn’t care.
Would I have liked him to want me to stay for other reasons? Sure. But I’d take what I could get. A few more blissful days of anonymity while I got my shit together was nothing to be sneezed at. A nice place to spend it and a hot living companion to share it with was simply the cherry on top.
Still, it was just as well Ryder had left for work. A whiff of that earthy cologne and my mind—and dick—became instantly distracted, a problem that was getting worse. I would’ve had that damned software sorted out before bed the previous night if I hadn’t spent half the time surreptitiously watching Ryder cook. He possessed far too much grace for such a tall man, and he moved about the cottage like he was somehow in tune with it—something I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt in any place I’d lived.
Showered and dressed, I took my phone and laptop to the sofa to tackle the growing pile of emails and messages I’d ignored the day before. Ziggy scratched a bed for himself in the blanket beside me, then stretched his tiny sausage body in the morning sun and closed his eyes.
First, I worked through my phone.
JB had texted to say he’d check on my apartment the next day and get back to me. A twinge of guilt niggled my belly that I hadn’t been back in touch with him since that first time. He was the only real friend I had left. I thought of Ryder and smiled. Well, maybe not theonlyone. I replied that I was doing okay and asked him to send me a few pics of the apartment. I told him I’d decided to take a few more days but didn’t tell him where or with whom.
JB replied almost immediately.
Where are you, or is it a secret? I can come get you if you need. Your mother called FFS. I didn’t say anything about Phillip cos she seemed not to know??? She’s worried. Maybe give her a call, yeah?
My mother again? Jesus Christ. I texted back.
You know what she’s like.
He did, but he also knew me.
She’s your mother, Thad. They worry. It’s what they do. Don’t be unkind. And what’s happening with the company? What about Phillip? What do I say if he gets in contact? Why won’t you tell me where you are?
Because you might tell someone by mistake. Like my mother. Like Phillip. Because I want to hold on to this bubble for a bit longer. Because I want to pretend none of it happened. Because I’m a fucking coward. Because going back means facing my mother’s disappointment. Face the reality that I can’t seem to hold on to a man, no matter what I do. That I’m never quite enough.
