But Thaddeus was on a roll. “I had to google a ton of stuff since my knowledge of plants is shit, as you well know.”
“You . . . googled them?” I croaked.
“Yep,” he answered proudly. “I used the best-reviewed name-that-plant app that I could find. It didn’t identify everything, but I did my best. Is it okay? You can say if I fucked up.”
On the deck behind Thaddeus, Will had his face pressed into Tap’s chest, clearly pissing himself with laughter. My best friend couldn’t even look at me, and Naomi was madly waving her hands in warning as if I might say something mean. Like that was even possible with Thaddeus’s golden hound-dog eyes staring pleadingly at me.
I took all of that into consideration, in addition to the way my so-called friends and family sat in silent, gleeful anticipation of my response, and the decision was easy.
“Thank you.” I pulled Thaddeus in for a hug, surprised when he clung to me in obvious relief. “I can’t believe you did all this.” No lie there. I let him go and wandered along the garden bed, trying not to wince at the empty space where granny bonnets, cosmos, and zinnia had been ready to break forth. “It’s very...tidy,” I managed. “Ready for me to plant up for summer.”Again.“It must have taken you ages.”
Thaddeus joined me, pointing excitedly to a further two buckets that had been hidden from view, both of them full. “Three hours, all up,” he announced, sounding happy about the fact. “It’s harder than you think, right?” He wandered to the far end of the garden and then back. “To be honest, I kind of enjoyed it. It was nice working outside for a change. I can do the other side tomorrow, if you want?”
Before I could answer, Naomi’s syrupy voice slid over Thaddeus’s shoulder. “That’s so kind of you, Thad.” I didn’t need to see her face to know she was wearing a shit-eating grin a mile wide. “I’m sure Ryder would love that.”
“No!” I blurted, sounding a little more panicked than I would’ve liked as I flicked Naomi a threatening look.
Thaddeus frowned. “Oh. Well?—”
“What I meant,” I rushed to explain, as in a lie, “is that I’m not sure what I want to do with that bed yet. I was thinking that I might make some changes to it this summer—” I was going to have to, based on the current state of the other one. “—and I wouldn’t want your efforts to go in vain. But maybe you could help me with something else... on the weekend?” When I’m around to supervise.
Thaddeus brightened. “Really? I’d love to. Maybe you can teach me how not to kill the next house plant I buy.”
Oh God.I was going to have to find something really, really safe for him to do. My gaze swept the rather empty garden bed once more, and I swallowed around the lump in my throat.They’re only fucking plants. Get over it.I glanced at Thaddeus’s smiling face and the lump dissolved.
“Come on.” I put a hand on the small of his back and steered him toward the others. “I’m feeling hungry, after all.”
Thaddeus turned, winked, and shot me a wicked grin. “Yeah, me too.”
The sexy note to his voice had my cheeks burning, and my belly flopped embarrassingly like a dog rolling over at its owner’s attention. He’s just tipsy, I told myself, an explanation confirmed when his grin dissolved, and it was Thaddeus’s turn to blush.
“Shit. I’m sorry.” He slipped away from my hand and was gone in a flash.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THADDEUS
Me too?I kept my eyes down and made a beeline for my chair.Jesus Christ.I hoped I’d spoken too low for anyone but Ryder to hear, but the curious stares of the others were hardly reassuring.
What the fuck is wrong with me?I grabbed my beer, stuffed my mouth full of cheese and crackers so I couldn’t talk, and surreptitiously watched Ryder take his seat.
Ten days! Ten freaking days and I was still there. I’d even been to Ryder’s dentist and had a new PrEP script forwarded to the Featherston Pharmacy. I’d told myself it was just common sense, not that I needed the script because of how long I was staying, or anything. Because I wasn’t, staying that was.
It was the same reason I gave myself for continuing to send Phillip what he needed in order to keep the company running. Because Iwasgoing back. Because Istillwanted to buy him out. Because I needed the company to be in good standing. Because Iwasn’tstaying. And my imminent departure was also the reason I continued working on the Elosand software proposal.
Because Iwasleaving.
Iwas.
I’d even packed up my shit, what little there was of it, more times than I cared to admit. I’d set my rubbish bag of clothes and my briefcase by the front door, pulled up my Uber app, and stared at the wordHome. That was as far as I got before I threw the bags back on my bed, made myself a coffee, and settled on the sofa with Ziggy.
Every. Single. Time.
Home.I wasn’t sure what the word meant anymore. I’d bought the apartment because I had plenty of money in the bank and because Judd liked it. And if I were painfully honest, I bought it because I thought it would make him happy. And if he was happy, he might stay, and maybe we could get married, and my mother would be so ecstatic she’d cry, and I’d finally feel like I’d made her proud.
I’d been such a bloody fool.
Before the apartment, I’d been renting a tiny flat in the hills behind Wellington city. It was set on a narrow winding street, possessed no garage, and had around fifty million gruelling stairs to climb to get to it, give or take. The stairs kept my mother at a distance, which only added to their appeal, but Judd hated them on sight, complaining they had him sweating before he even made it to a club. Since I never frequented clubs unless I was desperate for a hook-up, I didn’t give a shit. Mostly, if I happened to be horny, I’d use an app and getthemto climb the stairs. Problem solved.
