“Because of your father?” she blustered weakly, trying for a smile. “I wouldn’t do—” She stopped, a red stain creeping over her cheeks. “I suppose I kind of did do that, didn’t I? What I said about Judd? I told you not to be hasty.” Her expression crumpled.
I reached for her hand. “You did, and I didn’t want to see if you’d do the same when you knew Phillip was involved, because I’m not sure we could’ve come back from that. I wanted you to be outraged on my behalf, not encourage me to smooth things over and move on.”
“Like I did with your father.” A tear rolled down her face and she squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry, Thaddeus. I’ve let you down.”
“You wanted me to be settled and happy,” I said, kneeling beside her. “I don’t blame you for that. You didn’t make me move in with Judd when I already kind of knew we weren’t a good fit.Idid that all on my own. The buck stops with me. I’m just letting you know that I’m done with trying to please other people. From now on, I’ll be following my own heart. I hope that you’ll support me. If not, then we’ll both have to deal with the repercussions of that.” I brought her hand to my lips and placed a kiss there.
She watched me, eyes brimming. “Did you ever love Judd?”
I shrugged. “I felt lots of things for Judd, love too, at some point. But not that all-consuming love you hear people talk about. I’m not sure I ever really believed in that sort of love, not after Dad, so I wasn’t looking for it until—” I couldn’t help the smile that crept over my mouth as I thought of Ryder.
“This new man?” My mother gave a reluctant smile.
I nodded. “But with Judd, I mostly felt relief that you seemed to really like him, and so I didn’t have to keep looking anymore.It stopped you from asking every week if I’d met a nice man to date.”
She had the grace to look sheepish. “Okay, I’ll try to stop doing that, but I’m not perfect, you know.”
I grinned. “Colour me shocked.”
We both laughed at that.
My mother cradled my face and then kissed me on the forehead. “But you won’t stop me giving that bastard Phillip a piece of my mind, so don’t even try.”
I raised both my hands. “You’ll hear no complaint from me as long as I get a full debrief afterwards.”
“Agreed. Now get up or you’ll wreck your knees.” She sat back and waited for me to retake my seat before adding, “I’m sorry I messed up. Parents do, you know.”
“We all mess up, Mum. It’s what we do afterwards that counts.”
She considered me for a moment, then nodded and sat back. “Speaking of which, you said you messed up with this man you met. Ryder, right? Can you tell me about that?”
I hesitated just long enough for her to know I’d been serious about our conversation and I wasn’t sure.
In answer, she smiled a little sadly, pushed my plate of cold burek toward me, and put the fork in my hand. “I promise I’ll behave.”
I smiled and squeezed her hand. “Okay then. I’m trusting you.”
She gave my plate another nudge. “Eat something.”
I had my fork halfway to my mouth when her hand landed on my arm, and I looked up to find her steely gaze set on mine.
“What you did today took a lot of courage, son. I’m proud of you for that. I’m proud of you for many, many things, and I’m so sorry I never made sure you knew that. I love you more than life itself, and I always will.” She let go of my arm and gave ita nudge. “Now eat. And if you can talk at the same time, that would be grand.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
THREE WEEKS LATER
RYDER
Tap bundledme out of the council chamber and jostled us through the crowded foyer toward the emergency exit. The stale aroma of hot bodies at the end of a brutally humid December day almost made me gag.
I’d been both shocked and encouraged by the large turnout for the meeting, worried that pushback would be as slack as it had been the first time around. But unlike that one, this meeting had been prefaced by an intense social media campaign organised by some advocacy group, and there’d been far more submissions than anticipated.
My own submission had been registered, of course, but although I’d asked to speak to it, I’d been refused, owing to the impending legal hearing on my lease. It blocked what both sides could publicly say on the matter, but mostly, it silencedme. The council could still talk abouttheirplans and almost everything else, bar issues pertaining to my particular property. But since much of my submission centred on the environmentalimpact on myproperty—whose lease was in legal dispute—there wasn’t much left for me to talk about that didn’t impinge on the convenient confidentiality clause. I pushed to be allowed to speak to the matter in general, but the council was under no obligation to let me, and that was that.
“Jesus, slow down, will you?” I tried to resist Tap’s manhandling, but he was adamant.
“Keep moving.” He pushed the emergency exit door open and I sailed through to a blissfully cooler stairwell. “What the fuck is wrong with those idiots?” Tap complained. “It’s like an oven in that council chamber.”
