“Can you find your way back to your room?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I will see tomorrow.”
He gives no indication of what tomorrow will bring.
Chapter Four
The Dragon
Hunger is nothingnew for me. Hunger is a way of life. I have all the money and power in the world, and yet a keen sense of what I cannot buy. What I can’t force, what I can’t hold onto. There are certain things the universe will tear from your cold, bleeding hands as you weep and beg. There is no compassion out there among the stars.
When you come into possession of something all you can do is hold as tightly to it as possible, imprison it if you must. Whatever you can do to hang on as long as you can.
A sparrow cannot fly if you clip its wings.
Chapter Five
When I wakeup I’m pulled out of bed almost immediately by one of the palace aides, and dragged into a massive room with racks of clothing and a hairstyling station.
I’m no stranger to having my hair colored, cut and otherwise experimented on. After all, my mom and sister often had to have a guinea pig for new techniques they were trying to learn. But I find that I’m anxious about turning my hair over to someone I’ve never met.
Yet, it’s only hair, and on the long and vast list of concerns I have right now, my hair shouldn’t be one of them.
I can’t figure out my future husband. I have no idea what he intends to do with me, or what my life will look like once he assumes control of it.
Once he does? He already has.
I let that truth sit and turn over in my stomach. I don’t like it, but I can’t deny it.
“The king has tasked us with overseeing your look for the wedding celebration in the coming days.”
“Oh,” I say. I have no idea what the wedding celebration is. If it’s the wedding itself, I actually don’t even know when we are supposed to be getting married. It’s tempting to sit there, asking no questions. Because I’m not entirely sure that I want the answers. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from science it’s that inquiry is the only way to learn. Trying, failing, finding answers you don’t like is all a part of reality.
And the truth doesn’t change just because you don’t know it. Facts truly don’t care about your feelings. And so if I want facts I can’t afford to care overmuch about my feelings either.
“And what exactly is the wedding celebration?”
The woman looks at me just as I feared she would. She’s a very beautiful woman, and probably feels that she’s more sophisticated than I am. Certainly prettier. She would be correct. I wonder if she thinks that she would be a better candidate for queen than I am. All of that is probably true. But still, I don’t like being the object of somebody’s petty jealousy when I don’t even especially want to be in the position that I’m in. But then, perversely, that makes me want to lean into my ignorance here. Because it will only make her think that I’m all the more unsuitable, and that will likely make her angry.
“There will be a party the day before the wedding. A time for all of the foreign dignitaries to come and celebrate your upcoming union.”
“When would that be?”
She stares at me. “You don’t know?”
“Yes. Our great and glorious king likes to keep me in suspense about everything. But most of all my fate.”
I can tell that she’s shocked that I would say something so dry about the man himself. But surely everybody who deals with him on a daily basis can see what a mercurial and difficult person he is.
Even if he isn’t a murderer, and I’m still withholding judgment on that, he doesn’t do anything to make his movements clear. To make his intentions transparent. If anything, he seems to delight in his own opacity.
“The wedding will be Sunday,” she says.
“I see. You must know then, that there was another bride intended for this wedding originally.”
She nods. “Yes. I was given an entirely different color profile, and I had to change everything. Also, your measurements are different.”
