And I do. Because he asked. Because he said please. And I am undone by such an arrogant man begging.
I arch my back against his and cry out, and his own roar follows mine, as he spills himself deep inside of me.
I’ve given my freedom away. It wasn’t the vows that did it. It was this.
I let him come inside of me.
I’ve surrendered my freedom for a taste of pleasure. I didn’t worry about protection at all, and I could get pregnant. But it wasn’t a concern, not when I was so desperate for me. And as he lingers over me, looking at me, I want to regret it. But I can’t. I have always felt like maybe I was smarter than other people, and it was my compensation for the poverty I was born into. I have a brain that can think me out of so many situations. One that was going to take me straight to university, out of this country. But in this, I am just like everyone else. I’ve given everything away for a taste of sexual desire.
I am no better than anyone.
I thought I was more sensible than my sister because I’m not a romantic, but isn’t it worse to have surrendered to need without even a promise of romance?
But then he wraps me in his arms, and I feel something like romance. My heart begins to expand inside of my chest, and I want to believe that this expression of tenderness is care, and not just manipulation.
But then, I find myself getting so sleepy. And I don’t want to think anymore. Thinking isn’t a comfort. I just want sleep. And for Lucian to hold me.
I surrender to my feelings. And I let my thoughts drift away.
Chapter Nine
I wake upon a gasp, sitting and clutching the bedclothes to my chest. My naked chest. I’m in Lucian’s room, in the center of his gigantic bed. It’s dark outside, and I’m alone.
A sob rises up in my throat, and I lie down, trying to get ahold of myself. There’s no reason to be hysterical.
There is certainly no reason to cry. I chose everything that happened today.
Tears gather in my eyes and I close them. My stomach growls, and I feel so alone. I’m not sure if I’m grateful that he’s left me or…
The door opens. I stay lying like that, not giving any indication that I’m awake.
“Sparrow?”
I stir just slightly.
“I have something for you.”
I open my eyes.
“Are you hungry?”
“Yes,” I say softly.
“I have something for you to dress in, darling.”
Darling. I hold that close, turn it over, try to examine it. Is it sweet and lovely because it’s not that strange nickname he calls me? Is it personal or is it something he has called every other woman he’s married?
He moves to the bed, wrapping me in the softest robe I’ve ever felt against my skin, and touches my cheek. “You were lovely tonight.”
The simple compliment takes me aback. I blink, trying to catch my breath.
Then I find myself being lifted from the bed. “You don’t have to carry me,” I say.
“I want to,” he says.
He carries me out of the bedroom, and to the elevator. “Oh, come on now. When I’m not walking you don’t take the stairs?”
“I will not gamble with your safety,” he growls, closing the elevator door, still holding me while it descends. I loop my arms around his neck, hold onto him until it reaches its destination. The doors open, and he sweeps me out, down the hall into the dining room. My jaw drops. He sets me gently down, and I move deeper into the room. The lights are off, but the table is covered in candles. Held high in golden candelabras, and there is a feast laid out before me. Dishes that I don’t have names for. Things that look exotic and familiar. Gourmet foods, and comfort foods. And besides that, behind the banquet table, an entire spread of dessert.
