But in this restaurant, at a table with myself, and my friends, he seems almost laughably out of place. Like a relic brought forward in time and placed somewhere that he absolutely doesn’t belong.
Everything looks a bit too small for him. And a bit too civilized.
It takes a good while for anyone to find traction with conversation, and I feel an immense amount of pressure, because it seems like I should be able to build a bridge between Lucian and my friends, considering that I know them both, but I’m not even sure what bridge the both of them could walk over.
A strange way of looking at it, but I find that I can’t help it.
“And Elektra is majoring in infectious disease with a focus on sexually transmitted diseases,” I say, having just gone through the litany of things that my friends are studying.
“Fascinating,” Lucian says.
“Thank you,” Elektra says. “And you’re…a king.”
“Yes,” Lucian says.
“What’s that like?” Tefi asks.
“I’m not really sure,” he says. “Only because I don’t really know what it’s like to not be one.”
“Well, that’s fair,” says Zuri. “I dated a rugby player who was also the son of a man who was knighted. So, kind of close.”
“Kind of,” Lucian says.
“Have you streamed any good TV shows recently?” Zuri asks.
Everyone looks at her.
“What? I think it’s interesting to know what a king watches.”
“I read,” he says. “Mostly.”
“Oh yes,” I say. “Lucian loves fiction.”
“Oh, me too,” says Elektra. “Mostly smut, though.”
“I’m not opposed,” Lucian says.
“Maybe we can trade book recommendations,” Elektra says.
That is maybe the least painful part of the evening. And it’s fine. It’s just… Lucian isn’t a twentysomething college student. He’s a king. He moves like a king; he acts like a king. He isn’t going to mesh with this life. And that’s just one of the many difficult things about the moment that I have to contend with.
My life has two pieces to it that are somewhat incompatible. It creates tension inside of me. But this is what I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve always wanted to have a university experience, and I’m having it. But this particular university experience requires me to be away from him. And when he’s with me here it’s…it’s a little bit of a thing. But it was lovely of him to have dinner with me and my friends. It was extremely sweet that he wanted to try. Maybe we’ll do this sometimes, maybe it will get less awkward or maybe it never will, because…because Lucian was never one who had friends, so even if age and experience and him being a king didn’t separate him from that group, the fact that he wasn’t able to make friends as a boy probably would.
When we get back to my room, I laugh and throw myself onto the bed.
“What?” he asks.
“Oh, it was very awkward,” I say.
“Was it?”
He looks very concerned.
“It’s okay. Lucian, you’re a king. Small talk is probably never going to be part of your repertoire. And that’s okay. I don’t want to make small talk with you anyway.”
He moves to the bed, and kisses me. “Good. Because I don’t want to talk right now either.”
Chapter Fourteen
