I swallow as I unbuckle her freezing frame and carry her into the house. She needs a bath but I'm not about to scare her even more. We're not there yet, and I have a feeling we'll need to talk about a few things before we take that step.
"How about some blocks, baby girl?" It's my first idea on how to get her to relax her stiff muscles and I'm so pleased when her Little perks up. Chuckling, I set her on her bright-pink rug in front of her toy bin.
A huge wave of relief rolls over me when she does her trademark happy wiggle and shoves her hands into the bin. "I'll be right back," I murmur and step away.
Moving fast, I make her a protein shake and put it in a sippy cup. While it heats for a few moments, I rub my chest. It's painful being away from her right now.
When she comes into view over the couch, I have to take a moment to close my eyes. She doesn't need my murderous self right now.
I force myself to smile, and enjoy the time with Little Lulu. On my ass beside her, I offer the sippy cup. She barely glances at it before snagging it and chugging half of it in one go.
"Slow down," I admonish with a chuckle. "You'll give yourself a tummy ache, silly girl."
Sucking one more loud slurp, Lulu grins at me and flops onto her stomach. There's so much dried-up mud on her, it makes me angry. That can't all be because of Cora.
With her tongue poking through her pink lips, I try like hell to just be in the moment with her. An excited tug on my pinky finger snaps me out of my thoughts. Lulu's eyes are sparkling with happiness and she points at the tall pile of blocks she made. Guilt swamps me as I realize I had zoned out on what if's and who needs to die.
"Wow!" I exclaim and Little Lulu nods rapidly, not a care in the world that there's dirt on her cheeks with tear-tracks through them. "That's amazing."
Like a little minx, she makes a crashing sound just before knocking the tall tower over. If regressing is what she needs, there's no hardship in playing with her. I just really hope I get to the bottom of what has traumatized her this time.
fifteen
LULU
I don't know what to do. The uncertainty is killing me. Preston won't leave for work and I feel like I should be alone. He's only making my wild torrent of emotions even worse.
Slipping into Little space last night after we got back to his house was a relief. Except I'm a bit embarrassed about how I completely avoided the issue. Preston won't let me wallow in my misery. He keeps trying to coax my Little out of her hiding place, but it's not working. I don't think it'll work until he stops frowning at me.
I did my best to avoid looking at him when I was playing last night which helped me relax. Waking up in my adult mindset doesn't give me such privileges.
"Baby, why don't we snuggle on the couch and watch a movie?"
I bite the inside of my cheek to hold my words in. There's been something else on my mind. I want Preston to touch me. If I'm going to be all in, I need to know if he wants me that way too.
I can't be in Little space for that to happen. Plus what better way to take my mind off of seeing my father's lifeless body being dragged on the ground than losing my virginity?
Preston sucks in a tired breath and leans his butt against the countertop.He's probably trying to find some patience to put up with me."I can see you want to say something, Lulu. What's on your mind?"
"I—" My big gulp is audible, making my cheeks heat. Shoot, I'm just going to say it. "Will you give me a bath, Preston?"
Watching his eyes widen would be comical if it weren't for my shaking hands. I'm terrified he'll reject me.
Preston's jaw clenches not once, but three times before he clears his throat. "I need to address some things. First, you're my Little girl. No matter what headspace you're in, I'm your Daddy. Is that something you're okay with?"
I look down at the ground, my mind and my heart warring with each other.
His boots stomp toward me and his warm hand cups my cheek. "Lulu, do you want to be my Little and my woman still? Or was yesterday about wanting us to end?"
"No!" The stricken look on his face makes me stumble over my next words as the emotions become too great to hold on to. "Oh gosh. I'm so sorry! No, it wasn't about us. Yes, I want you to be my-my Daddy but I'm confused and l-lost!"
"Come here," he murmurs. Not waiting for my response, he lifts me into his arms and brings us to a room beside his. "This is your playroom," he rumbles, stomping through it.
I get glimpses of pretty things and blank walls. My heart swells but I'm soon captivated by the frown on his face again. "Presto?—"
He raises a brow as he sits us down in a baby-pink rocking chair.
I don't find it hard to accept he wants me to only refer to him as Daddy. That might be the easiest part of all of this honestly.
