A bowl of berries sits on the floor beside Cora too. I'm not surprised to see a few blankets and pillows on the ground as a little nest for the girls to play in.
The wiggling on my hip intensifies and I peer down at Lulu with a smile. Her eyes are wide and she leans forward to escape almost making me drop her.
"Woah, little girl," I say sternly and grab her chin gently to make her look at me. "That was dangerous. Do that again, I'll have you writing lines on safety."
Emotion clogs in my throat when her eyes widen in surprise.Did I scare her?To my utter surprise, she lays her head on my shoulder instead of crying, and nods. All I feel is her appreciation at me holding a boundary for her. Fuck, I'm so in love with her.
"Good girl," I praise and kiss the top of her head. As I set her on the ground I feel the loss of her immensely.
"It doesn't get any easier to let them go," Sue murmurs when I sit down a few feet away from her on the couch. She laughs at my glare and gives me a moment to settle myself.
Lulu shuffles back so she's between my legs, her pigtails tickling my bare knees when she leans forward to grab a few blocks.
"I like to make castles for my stuffed bunny. Her name is Buncess. Do you have a stuffie?" Cora barely takes a breath as she tries to engage Lulu in conversation. Locked in on her castle, Cora doesn't see Lulu's response.
When she looks up at Lulu with a deep frown, I feel my girl stiffen. It's okay, as time goes by she'll learn not every frown or negative feeling means someone is mad at her or going to hurt her.
"Cora," I say softly as I place a hand on the back of Lulu's neck. "When Lulu is Little, she's mostly nonverbal. You'll need to look at her when you're talking, okay?"
"Okay!" Cora says with a big smile as if what I said wasn't a big deal in any way. "Do you have a stuffie?"
Lulu shakes her head but lifts her old blanket up. To show Cora how important Binks is to her, she hugs the fabric to her chest and rocks side to side.
Cora beams and makes grabby-hands at Sue for Buncess. I remember when she told me about the name it was incredibly hard not to laugh. Sue's glare and my desire to be this Little's uncle held me back.
While the girls work together to build the bunny a pretty castle, Sue and I catch up on what's going on with the business. "Any newcomers this week?"
Sue nods and tells me about the six women and two young men who have been moved into the first apartments so far. I make mental notes to check on them personally in the next few days as I get back into work.
The main reason I've taken time off and made Lulu do the same is because we were in such a fragile state, that adding on the stress of new people on the grounds and everything else didn't feel right to me. I never planned on missing such important days for the opening of Reclaiming Red, but Lulu comes first.
As much as I really need just to shoot the shit with a beer and talk to my friend about all the feelings I'm experiencing, keeping our conversations light and easy for the sake of Little ears is the priority.
Honestly, I don't even have much to say because most of my focus is trained on watching my Little girl crawl around with her blanket in one small fist and the other helping her new friend make their castle sturdy.
Occasionally her thumb goes to her mouth and I kick myself for not bringing her pacifier, but as this was her first playdate, I wasn't sure how far she would regress. I'm so damn thankful for Sue and Cora for creating a safe, welcoming space for Lulu.
That's what this whole place I've built will be for her someday. It's my dream to have my Little girl running around in cute outfits, squealing and living her best life with my brothers and sisters to help look after her.
I'm fuckinglivingthe dream.
nineteen
LULU
Apparently even with a wonderful Daddy and a new home, I'm still struggling. I just can't quite comprehend why he's with me most of the time.
We're both back to work, but even so he seeks me out and checks on me. It's sweet but I don't like watching him walk away from his friends when he sees me.
Everyone has been so nice to me, helping me to clear out my mom's house and put it on the market. Most things were donated but so much of it was garbage too. Daddy was very adamant I would only go through my mom’s stuff and mine. The rest the Daddies took care of.
Auntie Sue also made Daddy calm down about the President guy who helped me. I don’t know what was actually said last week between them, but Sue knew of the club and had no concern about my safety. I’m glad Daddy has people he can trust. That MC guy is my friend if he’s Sue’s.
The truck is also gone, Daddy and his friends having taken care of that too. I don't miss it. The house was a much bigger deal, though.
I'm so grateful. I did have to battle some feelings of guilt when Daddy came upstairs from the basement. I'm sure he sawsigns of me being held down there, but I don't remember what it could have been. I haven't been down there in a long time. Nail lines in the wood of the door were probably the main thing he saw.
The frowns and cursing that day were horrible... I felt so bad.
