What if he didn’t want me on his cock?
What if I ruined his orgasm by pulling Jace away?
He didn’t buck into Jace’s mouth, didn’t have to control him in order to get him to please him just right.
He hates how I make him feel.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore?
He loved Jace long before he loved me.
Tears flowing down my face, I sob hard. Torn between wanting to cling to him and push him away, wanting to yell at him to leave because he deserves better and wanting to beg him to stay and just teach me, I collapse into a mess in his arms.
“Hey…” he says softly, both of his arms already wrapped around me.
I try to tell him I’m not worth his time.
I’m not worth anyone’s time.
Karl left me.
To fuck my sister.
And marry my mum.
Who does that to someone unless they’re completely unlovable? My own mum doesn’t love me. She hasn’t once tried to visit. So how can Richard possibly love me?
I stabbed Stephanie. I’m a terrible person. I called him a monster. I know that hurt him.
I’m such a jerk.
A worthless, unlovable jerk.
I cry harder. He lifts me up, and I just know he’s going to throw me on the floor, abandon me like yesterday’s trash.
And I’d deserve it.
I deserve all his hate and anger. I can’t even please him. I have to be controlled.Jace doesn’t have to be controlled.
Gods, I hate Jace.
But he’s good for my king.
And I love my king.
I love him so much.
So maybe I still like Jace.
He deserves so much better than me.
“It’s okay, Arienna,” Richard murmurs as he carries me across the room, one arm holding me up, the other stroking my back. “You’re experiencing subdrop. You’re okay. I’m here, and I love you.”
He can’t love me. “I’m… unlo...vable,” I sob.
“No, you’re not. I love you.”
“Why?” I snap, calling him out on his bullshit.
