Jace smacks me hard in the shin. “Concentrate, Dickie,” he says as I fall to my knee. “The next one’s going in your namesake.”
Fuelled by my frustration, I lurch forwards and swing hard. He dodges my first blow but not the second. As I slam my staff into his chest, the tension in my body vibrates with the need for more. It’s like a living thing, eating me alive, driving me forwards in a rush of madness and desperation.
But I can’t beat this problem away. No matter how long I spend in the gym, no matter how hard Jace works me, my problems will still be here once this spar is over. I can’t save my queen from the life she’s already suffered. I can’t kill all the adults who failed her without weakening our peace with the Vylians and our future talks with the Okahi, Jokeni, and Alzans. And I can’t give her a future of peace, not without letting her go – and to hel if that’s an option.
With a feral growl, I aim for Jace’s head. He ducks low, then swoops his staff at my knees. Jumping into the air, I start to swing my weapon down onto his back, but his staff jerks up and slams into the “staff” between my legs.
Intense pain explodes up into my hips and down my thighs. I fall to the ground with a hiss, the bastard’s laughter ringing in my ears.
“If you hadn’t tried to dodge that, I would’ve tapped you in the shin.”
Tap?The fucking “tap” would’ve cleaved me in two had he done it with even the dullest of blades. As it is, I don’t think I’m ever having children. “What... fucking... dodge?” I grit out between my teeth. I barely saw the attack in time to register it, let alone react.
Too busy laughing, he doesn’t bother answering.
Groaning through the pain, I glance up to find him bent over, propped up by his staff – his real staff, not the twig that’s nestled in-between his legs. He howls into the crook of his arm as I shake with nausea.
“I warned you and everything,” he wheezes, wiping at his eyes as he finally straightens ten minutes later.
Scowling, I rise to my feet, wincing like hel. “I’m going to repay all of these acts of yours one day.”
Still laughing, Jace picks up my dropped staff and places it and his on the weapons rack. “Did that little spar do its job, or do you want to get whacked in the balls again?” He lifts two sets of chain whips, a twinkle in his eyes. “We can work our way through the rack left to right if you want? We have about thirty minutes until we need to get ready for the day, so there’s plenty of time for that and a cuddle after. I’ll even let you be big spoon.”
He blows a kiss at me just as the door to my private gym opens.
“Your Majesty.” Marrabel enters, her eyes haggard but dry. With just those two words, I know that Saragase hasn’t made it.
I’d hoped… For a moment, I’d let myself believe that she would pull through.“She’s a fucking person.”
Fabia’s words still haunting me, I open my mouth to give Marrabel my condolences. “I’m –”
“Arienna is awake,” she cuts in, and I press my lips closed for her sake. Sometimes, hearing someone speak of our loss, addressing it and making it real when we aren’t ready is worse than finding out about it ourselves.
A memory of Evangeline barrels into me.
I walk into our living room, having just flown back from killing Aurelia. I’m trying so hard not to cry. I don’t want her to ask me what’s wrong. All I want is to see someone I love being happy. Nicholas is crying. Jace is gone. For one more damn moment, I just want to turn back the clock.
Then I’ll tell her.
But I don’t get the chance. She takes one look at me, and that cheeky grin that used to fill me with equal parts joy and wariness whenever I saw it, falls.
Flattens.
Disappears to be replaced with pure madness.
She screams at me so violently, she makes herself sick. I try to go to her, but she won’t let me touch her. Won’t let me do anything to help her at all. Pressing one hand to her stomach, she screams.
So I give Marrabel that moment I never got. I let her pretend that her sister is still okay, that she doesn’t need to let everyone know about her loss.
Silently, I stride towards her. She turns to make her way to my wife’s chambers, and Jace follows behind us. Fabia is already outside Arienna’s door, exhaustion painting her eyes dark. It seems neither of us got any sleep after our talk.
The door opens, and I pass through it and into my wife’s chambers. The itch under my skin finally soothes just a bit. She’s sitting on the sofa, her back to us. Memories of last night, when I sat there, facing her and Jace, chases away the darker ones of my past.
Jace lets loose a little groan, and I glare at him with the urge to do more than tap his fucking staff. He grins. My scowl deepens, then immediately softens as my queen turns to face us.
“Morning!” Arienna jumps off the sofa, revealing a cup of steaming coffee in her hands. Her eyes light on me beforescooting over to Jace. “Hi,” she murmurs, a blush filling her cheeks.
“Everyone out,” I demand. Jace laughs as he retreats into the hall along with the others. The door clicks shut behind them.
