He refuses to look at me, and I’m not alright with that. I step toward him but then I hear it … sniffling. He finally looks up, and I see the tears welling in his eyes.
“This is the first time, I swear to you, that she’s almost been raped. They’ve given her bruises and lashings before. Every time, when she was younger, she would come over and I would fix one or two little bruised spots. The situation is a lot worse than I thought.”
I watch him watching Maddie. His tears run silently down his face as he lets his guilt eat at him. None of this is his fault.
“Everything is my fault. All of it. I should have turned her family in. I shouldn’t have pushed her to go to the damn party.” He wobbles on his feet, and I grab his arms.
“Look at me, Knave,” I demand of him and he shakes within my grasp. I guide him over to the couch and softly push him into a sitting position.
“Get it off your chest. Tell me why you think it’s your fault.”
“This really isn’tmy story to tell you but I doubt that Maddie has told you the full truth. She likes to hide things because she feels it makes her weak if she says them out loud.”
I watch as Drew sits next to me, analyzing every word I’m saying. He’s trying to work out in his head if I’m telling him the truth.
“When Maddie’s mother died, Maddie became the punching bag. Most days at school she was so tired teachers would let her nap during lunch and eat during classes. They assumed it was because her mother died. Not once did they ask her what was wrong.”
Drew looks a little green as I tell him about the first year after her mother died. I believe that he didn’t know. Didn’t have a clue that Donnie and her father were assholes. That he was in the house many of the nights they would sneak into her room and beat her for any little thing they deemed worthy of punishment.
“When Maddie turned fourteen, she was pushed into dating Jon. Her father wanted an in with the city, and what better way to do that than with a news anchor on speed dial? The Mayor’s daughter and Maddie became pretty close once the Chief helped her get off from drug charges.”
I stop talking so I can gather my thoughts on how I want to proceed without giving away that Maddie is the killer.
“I hate how they used her, but she refused to tell on her family. It’s understandable now after the rape she endured. Her family covered it up so that they could get ahead in the political world.”
“How is any of this your fault, Knave?” He puts a hand on my shoulder and makes sure I’m keeping eye contact. “You were a kid. None of this falls on your shoulders.”
“But it does. I was supposed to be at the party where everything went down. My boyfriend broke up with me the night before, and I chose to cancel on Maddie at the last minute. I was such a self-absorbed prick.”
I’m angry with myself. So fucking angry. “I should have gone, Drew. They would have never done what they did if I had been there. The entire group knew that Maddie was more than a friend to me. She is special and most of the girls hated it.”
Getting up, I walk over to the window and look out. The lights below in the parking lot twinkle up at me, mocking me.
“Those bastards were going to hurt Maddie, no matter what. It didn’t matter if you were there or not, Knave. How many were there?”
I don’t turn around to look at him. I keep staring out the window. “At least twelve.”
“Yeah, Knave, you would have gotten your ass handed to you. You were no match for them. Stop blaming yourself.”
“That’s not all of it, Drew.” I finally turn around and face him. “I had the opportunity to end her abuse. My family even invited Maddie over to live with us. All I had to do was persuade her to agree to it. Instead of doing what was right, I listened to her downplay her abuse. She never once told me about more than just the occasional spanking. I didn’t do anything, and look where it’s gotten us …”
I choke on the last word and Drew stands. He comes over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Knave, this isn’t your fault, alright? None of it.”
A sob leaves my throat and I hug him. I put my head on his shoulder and let my angst out. “I’ve been trying to right my wrongs.”
He stiffens when I say that. “What are you saying, Knave?”
I step back from him and shrug. “I’m The Mad Hatter.”
He looks shocked, but before he can say anything, Maddie interrupts. “Drew? Knave?”
I expect Drew to take his phone from the table and turn me in. Instead, Drew turns away from me and walks over to Maddie. He sits down so she doesn’t have to strain to look up at him.
Maddie’s secret is safe with me. I won’t ever let anyone know that she’s The Mad Hatter. Even if that means I go to jail. Watching them interact, I see the nerve ticking in Drew’s right cheek and Maddie smiling at him.
“Sweet angel, are you alright? Do you need anything?” Drew fusses over her and it is endearing. I know that if Drew turns me in, he will take good care of Maddie.
“Could you get me some fresh ice?” she asks and I smile.
