I let out a heavy sigh. ‘He’s not my boyfriend anymore. Felix. It looks like he’s about to become Beth’s.’
Felix hangs his head. ‘Beth makes me sad. How far is Leeds, Aunty Emily?’
‘A long way away,’ I murmur, recalling the day Rory turned up on our doorstep to announce he had accepted the new job in Leeds. Pain engulfed my chest as I forced out a smile and reminded myself that this was the best decision for both of us.
‘My maths teacher at school, Mrs Atkinson, says that if two people love each other, love will find a way to reunite them.’
I cast a look of bewilderment at Felix. ‘Mrs Atkinson needs to get back to teaching primary school maths.’
Felix shrugs.
‘Life has taken Rory and me in different directions,’ I say, ruffling Felix’s hair. ‘The best we can do is hope Rory finds happiness with… Beth.’
CHAPTER3
FELIX
Crawling underneath his desk, Felix makes himself comfortable by leaning against the warm radiator. He holds up the phone and pressesrecord. ‘Mummy, it’s me. Every day I worry Aunty Emily will find all my videos for you on your phone. There’s not much to see as I record under my desk. Just my weird-looking face.’ He pulls a silly expression and peers into the camera. ‘I would get told off for using your phone for videos.’
He admires his mum’s old silver mobile phone. ‘I like talking into your phone. It feels like you’re still here with me. Do you think God might let you watch these videos? I hope he does because that would be naughty of him if he didn’t. I wish you were in your bedroom watching TV in bed. Do you remember how I would climb into your bed, and we would snuggle up and watch a cartoon? If I was a good boy, you would bring me a cup of warm milk and a biscuit. I had to promise not to get crumbs everywhere. There’s no one to cuddle in my bedroom. Baxter is downstairs chewing up Aunty Emily’s bra and doesn’t want to be cuddled. Aunty Emily doesn’t like big cuddles anymore. I wish you were here, Mummy.’ Tears stream down his cheeks. At first, he wipes them away with the back of his hand but soon grabs an old sock lying on the floor near him to stem the flow.
‘I miss you, Mummy.’ Pressing the sock over his mouth he tries to muffle the sound of his sob. ‘Sometimes… missing… you… hurts…’ His sobs force him to pause. ‘It hurts me so much I have to ask Aunty Emily for some medicine.’ Rubbing his chest, he tries to get his breath.
‘When I can’t get to sleep, I think about what you’re doing up in heaven. Aunty Emily says you’re working on God’s newspaper. I do ask Google and Siri a lot whether God has a newspaper, but they don’t seem to know.’ He wipes his face again with the now-damp sock.
‘Today, Amelie, Ronnie, Sai and I walked to the sweet shop. Amelie carried Baxter as it was cold, and she was worried his paws would freeze. We talked about you working on God’s newspaper in heaven. Amelie thinks her grandpa will be working on God’s newspaper too. According to Amelie, he loved writing poems. Although she did say her grandpa was rubbish at Scrabble. She beat him every time they played. I can believe that as she always comes top in spelling tests. Amelie asked me to tell you to check his spelling. She’s the only friend who knows about these videos for you. Ronnie said his dad is in heaven too, but he thinks you and Amelie’s grandpa will be writing about him in God’s newspaper. He was a lifeguard and was always saving people who couldn’t swim. Ronnie said before he got sick and couldn’t be a lifeguard anymore, he once saved five people in one day. Amelie reckoned Ronnie’s dad is now one of God’s lifeguards. Ronnie googled to see whether there is sea in heaven. Sai said his parents have told him that when you die you come back as someone or something else. Amelie said her grandpa loved eating smelly fish so she thinks he might come back as a kipper. Ronnie said his dad loved fast cars so he will come back as a Formula One driver. The thought of you, Mummy, coming back as another person made me sad so I talked about watching Santa travel the world on Christmas Eve.’ More tears make their way down his cheeks so he wipes them away with his sleeve.
‘In our street there is a huge Christmas tree in every window. Aunty Emily is too busy sewing dresses and doesn’t have time to put up our tree. Amelie says her mum has gone Christmas-tree mad this year. Her mum has bought a giant one for the lounge plus littles ones for every bedroom – even the spare room. I told Amelie about last Christmas and how we had to have a trolley at IKEA for all our decorations and a man had to help us to the car because we’d bought so much stuff. Tomorrow Amelie is going to do something sneaky. She’s going to put the little tree in their spare room in a carrier bag and drop it off on my doorstep.’
He takes a deep breath. ‘I have not been a good boy again today. I threw Aunty Emily’s iPad across the living room, and she got very angry. It was a bad thing to do. I also didn’t eat her casserole. Mummy – it was horrible. I loved your casseroles. One bit of meat took me twenty minutes to chew and it made my teeth hurt. I also stole a piece of her dress material, so I got into trouble for that too. Mummy, I know you are busy with God’s newspaper, but I get so sad living here without you.’ He buries his face in the sock and cries. ‘Aunty Emily has changed. She used to be a fun person. We used to have hugs and play fights. All she does now is sew dresses with a scary look on her face.’
He reaches across his carpet for a new sock to wipe his face. ‘Rory still has his new girlfriend called Beth. There’s no change from when I spoke to you at the start of the week. Aunty Emily lets me use her iPad, so I log on to her Facebook and see what Rory is up to. The other afternoon when Amelie, Ronnie and Sai came to call for me I showed Amelie, Ronnie, and Sai Beth’s photo on Aunty Emily’s iPad. Aunty Emily was on the phone shouting at someone who was complaining about one of her dresses and she didn’t see me sneak out of the door with her iPad. Amelie thinks Beth is a top model, Sai says Beth looks like the woman from the football TV show he watches, and Ronnie says she looks like his brother’s new girlfriend.’ Felix blows his runny nose into his new sock.
‘Rory and Beth are having their third date at his flat tomorrow. Ronnie is going to ask his older brother what happens on a third date. Amelie says the third date is where you cook a meal at home, light candles on the table, post a couple of selfies on Instagram and then the other person gives you their feedback on your cooking and your room design. Sai thinks it’s where you watch a sad film together. His dad said his mum loved to watch sad films when they met. Amelie reminded us about how she loves horror films, especially the ones which are rated fifteen and banned by her mum. They would give me bad dreams. Sai says the third date is also where you let the other person choose the first chocolate in a selection box. We all agreed Sai will struggle with this when he has a girlfriend. Sai also agreed.’ Felix giggles at the thought of his friend’s love of chocolate.
‘Ronnie is sure his brother will know as he’s had lots of girlfriends at university, and he overheard his mum telling his stepdad that she’s worried his brother is spending too much time with his girlfriends and not studying.’ Felix fiddles with a loose strand of purple carpet.
‘Every time I think about Beth, I feel angry. Aunty Emily shouts a lot after she has looked at Beth’s photo. Her mouth goes all twisty when I show her Beth’s Facebook page. I think Aunty Emily is sad too. She loves Rory but won’t admit it. I know I’m right. I’ve just sent Aunty Lizzie an iMessage on Aunty Emily’s iPad about Rory and Beth. Aunty Lizzie will talk to Aunty Emily for me.’ He tugs hard at the loose strand, but it refuses to part from the carpet.
‘Amelie asked us today what we want for Christmas. Before they all could answer I said I wanted the old Aunty Emily and Rory to get back together and adopt me. Don’t be cross, Mummy. I know you won’t be coming back. God needs you for his newspaper. I will miss you forever, but Amelie keeps telling me I must think about who is going to look after me now that I am an orphan. I told her I have a dad, but no one knows his name. I said he looks like a pop singer from long ago. Amelie says being an orphan is cool. In all the books she’s read orphans are always the characters who everyone loves and who get to do crazy things. I have asked her to name some, and she said, Oliver Twist, Peter Pan, Mowgli, and Harry Potter. Pretty cool, huh?’
He takes a deep breath. ‘Amelie asked me who I would want as parents if I could pick anyone in the world. She says that if she was an orphan, she would want Spiderman and Ariana Grande to adopt her. I said I would pick the old Aunty Emily as my new mummy, the one who laughed a lot, chased me around the park, took me to the arcades on the Pier and made me cool waistcoats for parties. For my dad I would pick Rory, as he watches ballet DVDs with me, he loves Marvel films, we have wave jumping contests down at the beach and he loves Aunty Emily. He also knows my secret. I can’t tell you my secret yet, Mummy. They would be great parents for me.’ He sniffs and goes to wipe his nose on the sock but feeling that its damp he wipes his nose on his sleeve.
‘Mummy, you always told me I have good ideas. Well, I have a plan about how to get Emily and Rory back together. I must do it. Today I told Amelie, Ronnie, and Sai about my idea. Amelie hugged me which was nice. She always smells of cola bottles. Ronnie high fived me and Sai said thinking about my plan made him feel sick. He had to sit down outside the sweetshop and tell us about how his parents would ground him for the rest of his life if he did anything like that. We all think it’s funny how Sai always worries about things. I also spoke to Miss Hemingway next door about my plan who said she was pleased I had told her but was now going to have a sleepless night and worry a lot about me.
‘Earlier I persuaded Aunty Emily to take me to London tomorrow. This is part of my plan. I told her I wanted to see the Christmas lights. Please don’t worry, Mummy. It’s a good idea. Trust me.’
Leaning his head against the inside of his desk he sighs. ‘Before I started this video, I did something very naughty. You must believe me when I say it’s part of my plan. Aunty Emily thinks I am up here buying her a Christmas present. I am buying something but it’s not a present I can wrap up.’
Sitting up he bangs his head on the bottom of his desk. ‘Oh, I must go, someone is knocking at our door. Speak soon, I love you, Mummy.’ He presses his lips against the screen, leaving a saliva imprint, and saves the video.
CHAPTER4
EMILY
Felix has gone upstairs with my iPad. Apparently, he wants to check on my Christmas present. Hearing him talk about sorting me out a gift for Christmas shocked me. After everything we have been through, all the arguments and the countless times he’s screamed about how much he hates me, I didn’t think he would buy me anything.
He’s also checking out the train times for tomorrow’s trip. I did offer to look for them on my phone, but Felix wants tomorrow to be his day.
