"Where's your mom?" Janie, one of the new girls, asks suddenly.
Ruthie's eyes dart to the floor as her closest friends grow quiet. My throat tightens the same way it always does when someone brings up Ruthie's mother. It's not a secret that she isn't involved in our lives, but it's not something she likes to talk about either.
There's not really much to say.
"Hey," Tessa jumps in, leaning into the group. She lowers her voice as if she's spilling a secret. "Do you guys want a snack?"
Instantly the question's forgotten—at least by the young ones—and Ruthie's entire mood shifts. "Ooh, Dad! Did you get the cinnamon rolls from Drippy's?"
My stomach sinks again. I knew I was forgetting something. I'd meant to pick them up last night when I got in, but our flight got delayed and they were already clo—
"They're in the fridge," Tess says, her voice warm and effortless. "I even asked for the icing on the side so we could goop them up ourselves."
"Yes!" Ruthie squeals, springing toward the kitchen, six sets of socked-feet scurrying after her. Tessa watches them.
And I watch her.
"Thank you," I sigh, my words barely audible amidst the giggles and screeches. My confession nearly gets caught in my throat. "I completely forgot."
"It's what I'm here for," she says matter-of-factly, but she's wrong. She didn't have to do any of this.
"Dad, Tess, come on!" Ruthie shouts over the pre-sugar chaos.
My world stops for a beat, warmth flooding my chest like it does sometimes when I realize my not-so-little girl still wants me by her side.
Tessa looks up at me, and for once, the space between us doesn't buzz. It's calm. "Let's go," she says, curling her hand around my arm and pulling me with her.
I smile, and it clicks. Ruthie called her too—wantsher too.
And holy shit… so do I.
More than I know I should.
Standing at the bottom of the steps, I savor the hum of silence that hangs in the air. For the last two hours the girls have done nothing but laugh, yell, squeal—everything they should be doing at a twelve-year-old's birthday party. But my God, my ears are ringing.
Tess volunteered to clean up the mess while I set up the air mattresses and took snack orders for the girls. It's finally movie time, and I'm praying this calms them down a little. Not because they're too much, but because I might pass out before them at this rate.
When I reach the top of the stairs, Ruthie barrels past me, all but knocking me back down the steps. "Hey, where ya goin'?"
She doesn't answer, probably on a mission to get the snacks herself—or sneak another cinnamon roll. So, I continue toward the hangout space. I knock on the door, waiting for the other girls to call me in. When they do, the room falls silent, and I realize how much of a buzzkill it must be for the parent to join the party.
"I'm not staying," I promise, my hands up as I head toward the closet. "Just setting up the mattresses." A few of the girls whisper amongst themselves as Kenzie continues scrolling through the movies on the TV.
We stay like that—them huddled together and me awkwardly in the corner allowing the hum of the air pump to nearly put me to sleep. Once the second mattress is full, I slide them both toward the screen, curious what's taking Ruthie so long.She can add the sheets so I don't have to stay here for even another minute.
"There ya go, girls," I say, heading toward the door. "Have fun!"
I purposely keep the door open, knowing I don't plan to linger but still need to make sure everyone's alive and well. Their chatter increasesas I make my way down the stairs, but instead of fading by the landing again, there's the buzz of a whole different conversation coming from the other room.
I round the corner, heading back toward the kitchen, but no one's there. Tess is gone, and Ruthie isn't digging in the cabinets like I suspected she'd be. Instead, my daughter's voice floats through the crack in the barely-open powder-room door.
"She said her mom almost didn't let her come because there was only a man in the house. And what if one of us needed something?"
Tessa's voice follows, soft but steady, hitting me in the chest. "Well, you know your dad would do anything for you guys." There's a pause, then she continues quietly. "I know it's not always the same."
Ruthie sniffles, and the sound nearly breaks me.
"Hey," Tess says gently. "At the store yesterday… is this what you meant? You said, I think I'm different enough. Did you mean because it's just you two?"
