I thought about fourteen years of a boy from the hood who had never once been anything other than exactly who he said he was. I never wanted to contribute to all the pain life had brought on him. I loved him so damn much. Life just always got in the way of us.
“I’m sorry,” I said quiet. “For all of it. How hard life had been, for all the fucked up people one encountered. And most importantly, for everything that I put you through.”
Street looked at me.
“Don’t do that right now,” he said. “Handle what you gotta handle tonight. We’ll talk soon.”
He pat me on my shoulder like he didn’t trust himself to do anything else and walked back to his car. Although I had been with Marcus, my heart had always been with Street. I thought he felt the same but looking at him today, I feared he’d reallymoved on and was possibly in real love with Kyla. He came here to warm me, and he left just as quick.
I watched him go.
Then I went inside to deal with the life I had been living that was never actually mine. And as soon as the man left my house, I was going to speak with my father. I needed answers.
Simone was laid up with me on the couch with her legs across my lap and something playing on the TV that neither one of us was really watching. It was one of those afternoons where nothing was important other than us spending quality time. No plans, no obligations, just her and me in the house doing nothing and I really loved this shit.
It had been a week and a half since I first met Amara at Riverside Park.
Sandra had let me see her one more time since then. This time, I took my moms because I needed her set of eyes to tell me what I already knew. Immediately, my mom fell in love with that baby. This time was a shorter visit, more controlled, Sandrawatching everything we did like she was waiting for me to make a wrong move. I knew she was uncomfortable with me bringing my moms, but I didn’t give a damn.
Amara had run to me when she saw me coming and that was all I needed to know about where I stood with my daughter.
My daughter.
I was still getting used to saying that even just in my head. She took a liking to my moms immediately too.
Sandra had loosened up a little during that second visit once she saw how much love my moms held for a baby she didn’t even know. Sandra’s change in demeanor was just enough to tell me something real. She said she had always had doubts about who Amara’s father was but she never pushed it because things with her husband were stable and she didn’t want to mess up everything she had built. I understood that even if I didn’t agree with it. She had made a choice to protect her life. I just happened to be the consequence of that choice showing up four years late.
“Deon, that baby is the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen. I know she’s yours, I can feel it in my soul that she belongs to us. I want to be happy, but my heart hurts for Simone. What will you do if she doesn’t take it well?” My mom asked as we left the park and got into the car to leave. Her question sat on me heavy.
“If she loves me, and is the woman I’m supposed to make my wife, she’s accept everything that comes with me. If not, I’ll have to respect where she stands. But if that baby is mine, I can’t ignore that or change it.” I responded and the weight of all this hit me. Simone didn’t deserve to be hurt, even if it wasn’t intentional.
Since that day, my mom talks about Amara all day, every day. I’m sure she’s told the world, that she’s a grandma, and we still don’t even know for sure.
—
I thought about Amara’s face on the swings. The way she grabbed my hand without hesitating. The way she talked — full sentences, direct, more put together than any three year old had any business being. She had looked at me at the end of that second visit and asked me if I was her daddy for real this time and not just in her dreams.
I had told her yes, but I knew that her mom was liking going to coach her to forget anything I had said on that visit.
I smiled to myself sitting there on that couch.
“What you smiling at,” Simone said without looking up from her phone.
“Nothing. Just thinking.”
“About what?” She asked with her brows raised.
“Just about how good life is. I’ve been getting blessed left and right. You the biggest one.”
She looked up at me and something in her face softened, she put her phone down and shifted closer to me. I put my arm around her and she laid her head on my chest and we stayed like that.
This was what I had been working toward my whole life without knowing it. Not the money or the reputation or any of the things I had chased coming up. Just this. A woman who made everything feel right.
The DNA results were supposed to arrive in two more days.
I had a plan. I was gonna see what it said, then I was going to sit Simone down and tell her everything on my own terms before she had a chance to be blindsided by it. I had been rehearsing that conversation in my head every night for a week. I knew what I was going to say. I knew how I was going to say it. I had thought through every version of how she might react and I had a response ready for all of them.
In the middle of the movie, we got a knock at my door.
