—
Her front door was unlocked when I got there. I walked in and found her at the dining room table in a robe with her hair down. She looked sad, her eyes swollen from crying. She was staring at something on the table in front of her and when I got closer I saw what it was.
Two pregnancy tests.
Both positive.
I picked them up one at a time and looked at them, then set them back down and pulled out the chair across from her. I satbecause my legs weren’t fully cooperating. How did this happen? I mean I remember her taking the plan B the first time, but even after that we were reckless but I didn’t feel the need to check behind her. I thought she automatically knew to get the pill and to take it.
She was watching my face.
“Say something,” she said.
“Give me a second.”
I sat there and let it land. All of it. The timing, the implications, what this meant for her campaign, her plans and everything she had mapped out for her life.
And underneath all of that something else that I hadn’t expected. This news that felt nothing like panic.
“This isn’t the end of the world,” I said.
She looked at me like I had said something in a language she didn’t speak.
“Kyla. You can still be city councilwoman. You can still do everything you planned. This doesn’t take any of that away.”
“You don’t understand what this does to my image. The election is two months away. I am not married. The father is — “ She stopped. “This is not part of the plan.”
“Sometimes life doesn’t care about the plan.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t give me a bumper sticker right now.”
“I’m serious.” I leaned forward. “I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you decide I’m in it with you. You’re not doing this alone.”
She looked at me and something in her face shifted. Not softer exactly. More tired.
“What are we Xavier?” Her voice was quiet. “Tell me the truth. Right now. What are we doing for real? A baby is a lot. And if this is something we’re going to do, I would prefer us to at least be in a relationship.”
I looked at her and I owed her honesty more than I owed her comfort.
“I care about you,” I said. “Genuinely. What we had was real to me and I don’t want you to think it wasn’t.” I held her eyes. “But my heart is somewhere else. It’s always been somewhere else and leading you further into something when that’s the truth, it wouldn’t be fair to you.”
She looked at her hands on the table.
“Get out,” she said.
“Wait. Just hear me out.”
“I said get out! Get the fuck out of my house!” Her voice broke on the second word and she pressed her mouth closed and looked away.
I stood up.
“We’re going to figure this out,” I said. “I meant what I said. You’re not doing this alone. Whenever you’re ready to talk I’ll be there.”
She didn’t look at me.
I left.
—
