Immediate. And just as fast, something else follows. Her on that floor. Her blood. Her body going still. My jaw tightens. My hands curl into fists before I force them open again.
No.
I won’t risk it. Not when she’s just come back to me. Not when she’s still healing. Not when I can’t guarantee...My gaze drags back to her.
She shifts slightly, her expression tightening for a second before smoothing out again, her fingers never stopping.
And I can see it.
The gap.
The space she’s trying to fill.
And I know, I fucking know, that I’m part of it. But every time I think about stepping into it, about letting myself be what she needs, all I see is the moment I lost her.
So I stay where I am.
I hold the line.
Because control is the only thing I trust right now.
I drag a hand through my hair, my gaze flicking briefly back to the television before settling on her again.
Everything is pulling in different directions.
Everything is starting to fracture.
And I lock onto the only thing that makes sense.
Finish this.
End Vargas.
Remove the threat.
Then...then I can breathe.
Then I can give her everything again. Then I can touch her the way I want to. Then I can be what she needs.
This, this is temporary.
It has to be.
I look at her again. Really look at her. The woman I love. The woman I almost lost. The woman still trying to find her way back to herself.
And I tell myself, once this is done, I’ll fix this.
I’ll give her everything again.
Everything I’ve been holding back. Everything she deserves. Everything she needs.
I just have to finish this first.
And this time, I won’t fail.
forty-three
Liana
