The quiet lands heavier here.
Not empty.
Just wrong.
I stand there for a moment, letting it hit properly, letting myself breathe it in even though I know it’s going to make it worse.
My hip pulses again, sharper this time, pulling me out of it just enough to move.
The drawer slides open easily. The bottle is where I left it from the first night I had moved in.
I pick it up, turning it in my hand, the weight of it familiar enough that I don’t have to think about what I’m doing, even as I recognize it for exactly what it is.
I know what this is.
I know what I’m doing.
The ache pulses again.
Louder.
Layered over everything else.
I shake a few into my hand, more than I should, not counting them properly, not caring enough to.
I swallow them dry.
The bitterness lingers for a second before it fades.
I sit on the edge of her bed and wait.
It doesn’t take long.
It never does.
The edge starts to soften first, the sharpness in my body dulling just enough that I can feel it shift as it happens, like something loosening that I hadn’t realized was that tight. The ache in my hip fades into something quieter, something I can ignore again, and the rest follows, slower this time, the noise in my head pulling back just enough that I can sit with it without it crushing everything else.
I lean back onto the bed, turning into her pillow without thinking, pressing my face into it. The scent of her stronger here, caught in the fabric in a way that makes my chest tighten again.
My phone is in my hand before I realise I’ve picked it up.
The message thread is already open. I type without thinking.
Need more.
The reply comes back quickly.
Time. Location.Tonight.
I stare at it for a second, letting it settle, then lock my phone and drop it beside me.
It doesn’t feel like a decision.
It just feels like something that’s already happening.
I shift onto my side, pulling the pillow closer, breathing her in again, letting it sit there even though it doesn’t do anything except make everything sharper underneath the haze starting to settle over me.
My thoughts drift.
