“So this guy, Aurelian, he’s training me,” Kait continued, “but he’s not a creep or anything. In fact, I’m thinking he’s kind of…kind of an amazing guy. And now I feel like shit because I’m using him. He’s never asked me why I want to become a novice, and I’m afraid he will. I don’t want to lie to him, but obviously I can’t tell him the truth. Things have gotten really complicated.”And I’m afraid I might be falling for him.Kait didn’t have the courage to say it aloud.
Carenna gave a long exhalation. “Oh, Kait,” she said, “my dear Kait, you have landed yourself in a pickle.”
In spite of everything, Kait giggled. “Yup, it’s a pickle, all right.” Carenna shared her laughter.
“But, darling, you have to tell me—you say ‘training,?’ What is he training you to do?”
“To be a submissive.”
“Like, handcuffs and whips and chains?” Carenna asked in fascinated horror.
“It hasn’t been like that. It’s been mostly mental—don’t get me wrong, it’s physical, too,veryphysical—but a lot of it is in your attitude and headspace.”
“Sounds like you’re into it,” said Carenna with a throaty chuckle. “So, have you slept with this Aurelian?”
“Not exactly,” said Kait.
“And how good was thisnot exactly?” giggled Carenna.
“So good,” Kait sighed. Such a relief to admit to her friend how much she had enjoyed her time with Aurelian.
“Oh my,” said Carenna. “So don’t lie to your dear friend, Kait—do you have feelings for this fellow?”
Dammit, Ren, why do you have to be so sharp? But, of course, that’s why I called you. I have to look at this.
A long pause then Kait finally said, “Yes.”
“Oh, hon,” said Carenna softly, “that reallyisa pickle.”
“I know.”
“Do you want my advice, or was this a call to hear yourself think?”
Kait smiled. “That’s another reason why I love you, Ren. You know there’s a difference. On this one, I really want to hear your advice.”
“Well then, here it is, darling. You say you think Aurelian is a wonderful man, and you have feelings for him.”
“Correct.”
“And his ‘not exactly’ is good enough to make you sigh about it afterwards,” continued Carenna.
“Oh my, yes.”
“Then it’s time to come clean,” said Carenna frankly. “Be honest with him, and see what you can build.”
Kait’s stomach sank. “But what about Talia?”
Carenna’s voice was firm. “Kait, of course I understand about Talia. But remember—and I want you to listen to me on this—life is for the living. Talia’s gone, and that’s a terrible tragedy, and nothing makes it less terrible. But nothing will bring her back, either, hon.”
“She deserves justice,” said Kait.
“Yes, she does,” agreed Carenna. “And if this Aurelian is a good man, he’ll understand that as well. And maybe he can even help you. A willing ally is better than a duped accomplice.”
Kait found herself nodding. “That’s a good point, Ren.”
“Even though it may not make me your favourite person right now, I want you to think about something else, Kait. Talia deserves justice, yes. But what do you deserve? Wouldn’t Talia want you to live the happiest life you can? Don’t even answer right now. Just think about it, love.”
Kait found she had been holding her breath without even knowing it and let it out. “Carenna, this is why you are my very best friend. I’m not sure how I feel about what you’ve said, but you’ve given it to me straight, and now, at least I can clearly see what the choices are. Thank you. I love you so much.”
