“Sunflower,” he murmured into her hair as he hugged her, “do you remember—”
“No! No, but I feel … everything.” Johanna clung to him as he gently rubbed her back. “I don’t remember anything, but I feelsomuch!”
Luke stayed quiet, waiting for Johanna to continue. He didn’t understand what had just happened or what she was feeling, and because of that he didn’t know how to fix it for her.
“Everything hurts,” she mumbled into his neck. “All I feel is guilt. Every time I look at all of you, I feel so guilty and I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did, but I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
She pulled back, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t be here, I should—”
“Don’teversay that again,” Luke hissed, making Johanna’s eyes widen. He squeezed her sides. “I want you here. Ineedyou here. Whatever it is you’re feeling, it’s not from us.”
“But—”
“You haven’t done anything wrong, sunflower. I swear to you, you haven’t.” Gently, so very gently so that Johanna could pull away if she was uncomfortable, Luke cupped her cheeks. He wiped away her tears and leaned his forehead against her own. “Breathe with me.”
Her eyes shut, and she took one slow, shuddering breath, then another. Little by little she relaxed against him. Luke pulled back, wiping at her eyes and cheeks once more until she looked up at him with eyes filled with sorrow.
“I do feel guilt,” he said softly, and she bit her bottom lip, “but I don’t feel guiltybecauseof you. I feel guiltyforyou. I hate that you’re here right now, feeling this way. I hate how much you’ve cried since you regained consciousness. I hate that you felt the need to protect yourself so much that you locked away your memories. You are the one person I should have been strong enough to protect and keep safe, and I didn’t. And I’m not the only one who feels that way. We, everyone under this roof right now, feel that way about you. You deserved better than that, sunflower, and you still do.”
Johanna made an indescribable noise, something between a groan and a whimper.
He wiped more of the wetness away from her skin. “You may have had to make choices that you didn’t like, that under normal circumstances you would never have made. But your circumstances weren’t normal, and no one here will ever blame you for whatever you did.”
Johanna squeezed his hand. “Just because you won’t blame me for it, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be blamed.”
“Well then, if we’re going by that logic, do you blame me?”
“What?” She drew back, a snarl on her lips.
Luke had to fight back a smile at her reaction. “Do you blame me for not saving you?”
“Of course not,” she huffed. “And you did save me. You’re the reason I’m here today.”
“Well then, if you can manage to not blame me when the whole reason you ended up in this mess is because you’re my mate, then I think you can cut yourself a little slack, don’t you?”
She shuddered in his arms, so Luke took hold of her chin, making her meet his eyes. He gazed into them, trying to convey the awe he felt for her and her strength, the pride he had in her. “You made choices to survive, Johanna, and I for one am happy you made those choices, because if you didn’t survive, I would have gone with you.”
Johanna gasped and tried to draw back, but he wouldn’t let her. Fire raged in her blue orbs as she clasped onto his shirt and tried to shake him, but he wouldn’t budge. His resistance only seemed to make her angrier.
“You can’t say that,” she hissed. “You can’t say things like that. That’s not right. You didn’t even know me. You didn’t evenloveme. You can’t just up and toss away your life like that for me. I would’ve never allowed that.”
Luke smiled and clasped her hands as he leaned into her, pushing them both back against the couch, but when he spoke his voice was a low growl. “Interesting you say that, little sunflower. Would you like to know how I found out you were my mate? Theexactway you let me find out?”
“How?” she said between rapid breaths.
“You masked our mate bond for months. Months!” he bit out. “Every time I tried to talk to you, you ran away from me. Every time I showed an ounce of interest in you, you rejected me. Formonths. And then in the middle of a battle with my enemy you used your powers to hold me down while claiming it was to protect me. Then you left. You made me watch you leave withhim!You made me watch him drag you away from me, all because you wanted to save me. So do not tell me what I would and wouldn’t do for you. Do not tell me that I have to love you to offer to save your life, to beg someone to take mine in place of yours, when you did it so easily. Love had nothing to do with it. Our mate bond and what could be between us one day was enough for you to make that choice, and it is enough for me every day, every fuckingsecond, to decide to make that choice foryou!”
“Luke, I’m sorry,” she whimpered, and the sound made his blood boil hotter. She made a low, soft whine, and he watched as the fight left her. Her anger and righteousness morphed with his to form a single, sudden emotion: desire.
Johanna pulled at his shirt, dragging him closer, and he pinned her down against the back of the couch until there was no room between them. Her silky thighs hugged his waist as he grabbed her hips. She was so close, so fucking close, and he had hoped, dreamed, fucking prayed for this moment more times than he could count.
Her lips parted as his descended, coming achingly close, and then he heard a noise in the other room and everything came rushing back.
Luke sighed, clasping onto the back of the couch as he tried to remind himself that he couldn’t act on the very real temptation in front of him.
Johanna’s eyes opened and she whined. She rolled her hips, but he held her still, and when she couldn’t pull him to her, she huffed.
Luke had initially thought there was nothing sexier than having Johanna against him, but he was wrong. Seeing her want him just as much as he wanted her was a whole new high, and it was killing him to fight against it.
