Luke’s lips descended upon hers, but it wasn’t the kind of kiss she was used to from him. Her fierce protector had turned soft, gentle, kind, and somehow this simple kiss cut her more than anything else. It opened her to an entirely new universe, where she was the sun and the stars and he was the space that kept her afloat. Without him, without his grasp on her wrists and his gentle fingers on her cheek, his lips would have carried her away. They were so soothing, his kiss so tender, that they unleashed a deep yearning within her soul.
But then he pulled away, just barely. His breath fanned her face, and when she looked into his eyes all she saw was adoration, a love that renewed the strings of her heart and tied her back into him in an infinite loop.
“I love you,” he whispered, the words stealing away her breath before he claimed her lips once more.
His fingers tangled with hers as he kept her pinned to the ground with his body. He was overwhelming her senses and yet she couldn’t get enough. She couldn’t go a second without him knowing,feelingwhat was in her heart for him.
Johanna reopened the telepathic connection between them. She felt his warmth and his love swim through her mind, and she sent hers out to him. She knew the moment he felt it. He shuddered and his lips broke away from hers on a sigh, so she took the chance to whisper back to him, “I love you too. I always will.”
The smile he gave her could light up cities, could rival the sun, and in that moment she knew that she would have gone through every second of her life, every horror, again, as long as it lead her to him.
* * *
It had only become worse. Every moment she spent around Luke was torturous. Johanna couldn’t focus during their meditations or when he pulled her onto his lap while they talked. She’d started taking painting lessons from him, yet even those quiet moments where she was supposed to be focusing on her feelings and her art were ruined, all because he wasn’t inside her.
Their training sessions—if she could even call them that anymore—were a mess. The amount of times she’d lost now was honestly embarrassing, but it truly wasn’t her fault. Luke started teaching her jujutsu, specifically the holds, throws, and various stretches to increase her flexibility. This also meant she spent the majority of her time pressed against him in some way, shape, or form, or on her back with him on top of her.
Perhaps the worst thing of all was how he didn’t seem to be affected in the same way she was. He just smiled, or otherwise seemed indifferent when they touched. His mind didn’t reveal anything to her either. In fact, he seemed to be distracted, thinking of twenty million things when she was around.
She couldn’t make sense of it at all. Did he not feel drawn to her anymore? Did he not desire her, crave her in the same way she did him? Had their connection somehow dulled for him over time? He loved her, but he wouldn’t touch her. He was there for her, but he was also miles away. It was maddening. It was heartbreaking. Ithurt.
Johanna tried to put it behind her. She was just overreacting. If it wasn’t that, then she was sure Luke was somehow doing this for her. He loved her, she knew that. There was not a doubt in her mind when it came to his heart, which meant there had to be an answer somewhere else.
She spoke to Estelle about it, and the therapist’s advice was two-fold: To finally be honest with Luke about her desires, something they had been discussing for the last two weeks, and to just ask him. But Johanna couldn’t. She tried to tell herself it was because she valued Luke’s wishes and trusted his choices. And she did. Johanna believed in Luke, truly, but a small seed of doubt was beginning to grow in her, and without any reassurance it was taking root. The roots steadied, grew, and then one day bore fruit.
Johanna heard the shower running with her enhanced senses, but after a while she picked up on another sound. It was small, muffled by the water, but it was there. She stepped closer to the room, then past the bed, and she realized what it was.
A moan.
Luke was in there. It was his voice, his moans that filled the room. Johanna was shocked, broken as she stood there listening to the man she loved get off on something that wasn’t her.Her feet moved unconsciously, heart crumbling with every step she took and with every note of his pleasure. She didn’t realize what she was doing until she slammed the bathroom door open.
Luke whirled around, wide eyed, his hand still around his cock, and betrayal surged through her that he would rather do this than be inside of her.
“Sunflower—”
She shook her head, backing away as he began to exit the shower. He took a step toward her, so she ran. Johanna didn’t know what she was doing or where she was going, but hearing his footsteps behind her made her legs move faster. Johanna used every bit of her vampire speed to get away from him, because she couldn’t be around him right now. She couldn’t bear to see the evidence that she had tried to fight against. He didn’t desire her, not anymore. But could she blame him after she’d been ruined by his enemy, after the last few months of her healing and trauma? It was too much for him.
That was the last thought she had before she went flying through the air.
Luke turned, cradling her as they landed and taking the force of the impact. She tried to sit up to get off and away from him, but he rolled them over and pinned her down. Johanna struggled against him, trying to push, pull, buck him off her until—
“Stop!”
His voice quelled her fight. The dark growl commanded her to listen, to obey, and she hated her treacherous body for it. Tears of frustration clouded her eyes, but she shook her head to clear them. She was ready to give him a piece of her mind, but she froze the moment she saw the bright red glow in his eyes.
“Johanna, why the fuck did you run from me?”
“You know why!” She tried to pull out of his grip again, but he only tightened his clasp on her wrists, squeezing until she whimpered.
“No. If I knew why, I wouldn’t be asking. Why were you running? What triggered your blood lust? Tell me, right now.”
Her eyes widened as she realized they must be just as red as his were. She tilted her head away, shame flowing through her, but he grasped her chin hard and pulled her back to meet his gaze.
“Now,” he growled.
“You!” Tears pooled in her eyes. She blinked them away, but her voice still quivered as she spoke. “You don’t want me anymore.”
“Why would you—” Luke ran a hand through his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. “For the love of the gods. Baby,of courseI want you.”
