"No kissing," I said, my voice quivering.
He smirked. "Fine by me."
He fucked me from behind on my bed as I muffled my small whimpers of pain into the sheets. I stared out the window until the world slipped away, and I no longer felt him or heard our bodies slapping against each other.
When he was done, he rolled off the condom, threw it in the trash, and left.
I walked into the bathroom, turned on the hot water in my tub, and climbed inside. My skin turned red, burning, but I didn't feel it, didn't care.
Tears welled in my eyes, streaming down my cheeks.
I'd taken control. My plan was a success. I wasn't a virgin anymore, and yet the victory cut at my heart and soul.
I'd been desperate for love, for someone to actually wantme, to make me feel like I was enough. I wanted to have value as my own person, not for what I could do or be but simply because I existed.
I'd held onto the hope that one day, I could finally grasp the love I'd always wanted. But I'd never gotten that.
It was time to accept the truth. And even though the alternative would have been worse, even though I'd done the right thing, I grieved for everything I'd lost.
It wasn't just my virginity; it was my hopes, my dreams, my life,me.My heart was broken, dead, nothing more than an empty shell.
I sobbed into my arm, biting hard, trying to dull the anguish and sorrow threatening to consume me. But this time, it didn't work. And when it failed, I covered my mouth with my hands and screamed.
I screamed and screamed until the water almost overflowed.
I shut off the faucet, sitting there until the water, and my body, became numbingly cold.
I let myself feel it all, because this would be the last time I could. When I walked down the aisle tomorrow, I would have to do so as a warrior, prepared for battle. There would be no room for regret, self-pity, or any foolish emotion ever again.
My wedding day would mark the beginning of my resistance, and I would be ready for it.
My bedroom door flew open,the loud sound startling me awake. A cheery young maid pulled open the curtains, then placed a meal on my table. "Wake up, miss! Today's the big day! You must be so excited."
I'd rather walk through fire. Although I suppose that's exactly what I'm about to do.
The woman had left by the time I forced myself out of bed and reached my table. My stomach was in too many knots to eat much, but I managed to drink the soup, eat a piece of bread, and swallow the fruit before my stylist, makeup artist, hairdresser, and their assistants barged into the room. I endured being poked and prodded until they transformed me into the image of bridal perfection.
The women cooed over their work, complimenting me on my beauty, but I ignored them. They might not know the full scope of what was happening, but I couldn't help feeling they were complicit in the worst day of my life.
Once they left, I stood in front of the full-length mirror, barely recognizing the person staring back at me draped in ivory satin, tulle, and lace.
The clock tolled, the sound slicing through me like the blade of a guillotine.
It's time.
A guard led me out of my room to the base of the stairs where my father waited for me with a sneer. "Don't mess this up, Catalina."
I held his gaze. "You're forgetting that after today, you will no longer hold any power over me. My fiancé clearly has you by theballs, Father. So keep your threats to yourself."
His eyes narrowed, but before he could speak, the music started.
He huffed, then forced my hand into the crook of his arm, turning us to the double doors leading out into the backyard, where the new chapter of my nightmare was waiting to begin.
As we stepped into the bright sun, I scanned the crowd, unsurprised to see my father's donors and colleagues on one side and what I assumed to be Fernando's mafia organization on the other. Their all-black suits and dark auras permeated the air.
Finally, I looked toward the altar where Fernando stood in a tailored black suit. His grin reminded me of a cat that had finally caught its mouse. It ignited a fire in my blood, and for once, I didn't have to worry about what would happen if I didn’t contain it.
With a smirk, I stuck my foot out and tripped my father, pulling my foot back just in time to ensure he didn't take me down with him.
