His eyes snap to mine.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he says quickly. “I meant I want you to feel like yourself again.”
“I’m not.”
My voice breaks.
Seth steps closer and this time his hands come up, hovering near my arms like he is asking permission without saying it.
“Tell me who you are,” he murmurs.
My chest tightens.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
The tears start before I can stop them.
They slide down my face slowly at first and then faster, my breathing falling apart as everything I have been holding back finally cracks open.
“I don’t understand anything anymore,” I sob, my voice shaking. “I feel broken all the time. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I feel like they ripped something out of me and left everything else behind.”
Seth’s face crumples, but he doesn't interrupt me.
“I see them every time I close my eyes,” I continue, wiping uselessly at my face. “I see the basement. I see that room. I hear them talking. I hear them laughing.”
My chest heaves.
“They live in my head now,” I choke out. “They took a piece of my life that I will never get back.”
My voice cracks completely.
“They took the one chance I might’ve had to…” I swallow hard, the words sticking in my throat. “…have a family with you.”
The words fall apart halfway through the sentence.
Seth’s jaw locks.
Now the sobs come harder.
“They took everything from me,” I whisper.
Seth’s arms wrap around me before I even realize I'm falling forward. He pulls me against his chest, holding me so tight it almost hurts.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs into my hair, his voice rough. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I clutch the front of his shirt, my hands shaking.
“I don’t know how to fix this,” I tell him through tears. “I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to be okay again.”
“You don’t have to be okay.”
His hand presses against the back of my head, holding me there.
“You don’t have to be anything right now.”
I pull back just enough to look at him, tears still running down my face.
“Do you think I’m letting myself be a victim?”
