A dream.
Or was it?
Her mind racing with possibilities, she glanced at the sinking sun. They had this night. Though only hours, ’twas time when theywould be alone.
A while later, with their horses tended to, Elspet sat before the fire in their makeshift camp. The sharp smell of freshly split wood entwined with the char of smoke as she watched Cailin’s muscles flex as he chopped kindling.
So much had changed since they’d last stayed in a similar setting. Then, he’d viewed her as a woman he was unsure he could trust, and she’d been desperate to convince him to help her.
Wood clattered paces away as he set down a pile. He set several sticks into the fire. “That should hold us until the morning.”
“Aye.” Elspet handed him an oatcake, then ate her own. As she watched him eat, her thoughts strayed to when she’d told him that she’d loved him before the battle. But since they’d departed the Romani camp, he’d mentioned naught of her confession, much less his feelings for her.
As a child, she’d dreamed of a lord one day coming to sweep her away, but too well she knew those were the fantasies of youth, of those innocent to the treachery of life.
If she wasn’t careful, she could let herself drown in all the betrayals they’d each been dealt. His uncle. Her stepbrother. And the resulting aftermath. Thegory battles.
“How can you sleep after a battle?” She rubbed her brow. “Dinna the horrific images haunt your mind?”
* * * *
Cailin hesitated as he noted her visible distress. He picked up a piece of wood, tossed it into the flames, understanding her struggles with the violence she’d faced this day, of how during the battle she’d taken several lives. A burst of sparks swirled up within the smoke. How could he explain the details of his past and her present in a way to help her overcome her concern? He settled on a simple version of the truth and prayed it brought her a sliver of comfort.
“For a while, every time you close your eyes, the skirmish plays over in your mind, the blood, the screams, and what you could have done differently to save a friend’s life or push the enemy back.” He met her gaze. “Out of sheer exhaustion, you sleep. After, you prepare for the next clash, but a part of you withdraws where you engage with a focus only on the goals of the battle, not that men are dying beneath your blade.”
She drew up her legs and rested her chin on her knees. “Do the memories ever disappear?”
“They fade, but they are always inside you.”
“Oh.”
The anguish in that single word had him reaching out and cupping her chin. “You did what you had to do. Your skill, determination, saved many lives.”
“But because of me,” she whispered, “severalmen are dead.”
“Warriors who would have killed you if given the chance.”
She closed her eyes for a long moment, then opened them again, the anger and frustration there easy to read. “I despise war.”
“As I, but ’tis a necessity against those who immerse their lives in evil, concern themselves with the accumulation of wealth and power above all else.”
“Indeed.” She released a rough exhale. “’Tis sad, knowing there will always be conflict, that regardless of how one man fights for power, another plots with the same intent.”
“Mayhap, but beyond those consumed by the need to control, there are many more who care, who touch lives and assure others that good remains in the world. Like you.”
Her lips parted slightly. “I…I have done little.”
“Nay,” he said, his gaze tender, “you have done much. You fight for those for whom you care, and take time to help those less fortunate.”
Elspet arched a brow. “And you knowthis because…?”
He swept his thumb along her lower lip, the silken slide luring him to kiss her. Foolish thoughts given the feelings she inspired, dangerous ones he had no business lingering upon. “Taog told me. And I have seen with my own eyes yourconviction.”
“Oh…”
Her claim that she loved Cailin kindled in his mind. He wondered what she’d say if, with imminent danger behind them, he asked her if she’d meanther admission.
If she confirmed her declaration, howwould he reply?
