I set down my fork, giving her my full attention. “Why do you say that?”
“We’ve been at it for days and not made any progress.”
I see a hint of fear in her gaze. “Is that the only reason?” I ask, already knowing it’s not.
She bites down on her bottom lip, and it takes effort not to stare. I wish she’d stop doing that. Every time she does, I want to reach out and tug her lip free. Then I want to run my tongue?—
Clearing my throat, I cut off that train of thought right away. It leads nowhere good.
“You okay?” Haven asks, peering at me curiously.
“I’m good. About your magic, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to, but it feels like there might be more to it than just the lack of progress. We haven’t found what’s worked yet, but that doesn’t mean we won’t.”
“It just seems like an awful waste of your time.”
“Haven, come on. We’ve got nothing but time right now,” I say, punching a hole through that excuse.
She’s quiet for a moment, and I don’t press it again. I was serious when I said I wasn’t going to push her to do anything she doesn’t want to, but I know there’s more she’s not telling me. She’s either going to open up about it or not.
Finally, she releases a heavy sigh. “Have you ever considered that maybe it’s just not safe.”
“Do you mean because of what happened with the tree?” I lean forward, encroaching into her space. I can’t seem to help myself. “I deal with fire,” I assure her. “You don’t have to worry about hurting me.”
“Well, there’s that too,” she says with a shaky laugh. “But I guess I mean on a bigger scale. Becks, whatever magic I have inside me is so powerful that a demon is hunting me to use it to give itself a physical form. I’ve been thinking about it a lot over the last couple of days. Maybe magic like that should stay dormant. Maybe it’s better if I learn how to lock it away more tightly rather than bring it to the surface. If it’s buried inside me, maybe the demon won’t be able to use it at all.”
“That’s a lot of ‘maybes.’”
She bites down on her lip again, and I force my gaze to stay connected with her eyes. It’s a struggle though.
“We just don’t know,” she says. “And if I’m being honest, I’m scared. Scared that there’s a demon hunting me. Scared that I might be the reason he gains even more power. And maybe most of all, scared of this magic inside me.”
She stares at me with vulnerability that skewers my heart.
I can’t stop myself from reaching out and taking her hand. She turns hers so that we’re palm to palm, and somehow that makes it feel like we’re even more connected.
“You’re right to be scared,” I say, knowing that she wants to hear platitudes from me about how she’s safe, about how nothing bad is going to happen to her. But I care about her too much to not be completely honest about this. She needs to go into this with her eyes open, not hiding and hoping it will all go away.
What we are doing now in this cabin is buying time. The demon is still out there and is going to come for her one way or another.
“The reality is, we don’t know much,” I admit. “You could be right, and working to bring out your magic might make a terrible situation worse. But it might not. It might give you a fighting chance when it matters. Either way, it has to be your decision. If you decide you want to learn how to fight with your magic, I’ll do my best to teach you how. But if you decide it’s not worth the risk, I’ll still be here to protect you in whatever way I can.”
Her eyes glisten as she struggles with her emotions.
“I don’t want you to get hurt because of me,” she finally gets out.
“I’ve been hurt for a lot worse reasons. If something happens to me because of you, I want you to know that I believe it’s worth it.”
I catch Haven staring at the charred remains of the evergreen she scorched earlier in the week, and a flicker of regret hits me for bringing her back here. Still, it’s the safest place within walking distance to the cabin. I can handle another small flare-up if it happens, but a full forest fire would be beyond my control. I just wish the reminder of her loss of control wasn’t so stark. She’s brave to try again, to face her magic instead of hiding from it. She doesn’t need her last failure staring back at her in blackened branches.
“All right,” I say, forcing Haven’s attention. “Today is the day, I can feel it.”
She gives me a wan smile that says she’s not as sure as I am. But that’s okay. I’ll be positive for both of us.
She has it in her to harness her magic. I know she does.
“Let’s try something a little different today,” I suggest. “You’ve been trying to call the magic from inside without a spark. Maybe I can give you one.”
Haven lifts a skeptical brow, but she doesn’t pull away when I step closer.
