There’s a heaviness in my chest when I open the door, but then a shuffling sound down the hall catches my attention. When I glance over, there’s nothing there.
I shake my head, assuming I’m just hearing things, and head downstairs. But when I get there, the heaviness doesn’t leave, and I can’t shake the feeling that I could have, should have, handled that whole situation differently, and it’s going to cost me later.
But it’s too late now.
Twenty-Four
HAVEN
I stand with my back pressed against the door, my breathing shaky as tidbits of their conversation continue to run through my mind.
Haven is not me.
What’s going on isn’t that big of a deal anyway.
If you’re using Haven as a stand-in for me . . .
It’s not serious.
This is just a fling to you?
You were the girl I loved.
I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, that nothing good could come from it, but after I left the room it nagged at me, so I crept back out into the hallway, telling myself I was being silly and that whatever they were discussing probably had nothing to do with me. But the tone in Becks’ voice was off.
And then I heard my name.
I press a hand to my stomach as nausea roils in my gut. I can’t unhear all of that. That Becks used to be in love with Locklyn. That she’s worried I’m just a stand-in for her. That to him I’m no more than a fling, a diversion.
I squeeze my eyes shut, refusing to let any tears fall. But they leak out anyway, trickling down my cheeks.
Taking a long slow breath in, I tell myself to pull it together.
So Becks was only having fun with me. So what?
We only shared a few moments, a few kisses. There were no declarations of love. No promises of the future. I haven’t lost anything.
Then why does it feel like I have?
I have to bite my lip to hold in the sob, because no matter how much I try to tell myself that the truth doesn’t matter, my heart knows it’s a lie. Now I have to figure out how to go out there and pretend like I don’t care. That I don’t care about Becks. And that my heart isn’t already his.
“How was the nap?” Locklyn asks when I finally find the strength to leave my room and join the others.
She came by about an hour ago to let me know that dinner was ready, but I told her through the door that I was too tired and needed to rest, and for everyone to go ahead and eat without me.
“Good. Thanks,” I say with a forced smile. “I feel more refreshed.”
My smile must not be convincing though, because hers drops off her face. “Is everything all right?” she asks tentatively.
“Sure, everything’s great,” I say a little too loudly, drawing the attention of my parents seated on the couch across the room. “I mean, besides the fact that I’m hiding out from a demon who wants to suck me dry and then subjugate the world.”
She nods, but there’s a slight frown on her face. She lowers her voice. “I know we’re still getting to know each other, but if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here.”
The sincerity in her tone and gaze is clear, and part of me wants to confide in her, but then out of the corner of my eye I catch Becks in the kitchen, and my heart hardens toward her.
She’s the one he wants. I’m just the consolation prize.
Logically, I realize it’s not fair to put that on Locklyn, but I can’t help but feel the way I feel.
