We—well, I— decided today is finally the day I’ll tell everyone.
So, like a mature woman that I am, I went ahead and created a group chat. My best friend, my sister, his sister. Simple and effective.
I hope so.
Oh, and Harper, because she needs to know.
Girl power group chat
Me: Hey, so I didn’t want this to be like a huge thing, so I just want to say it…
Naomi: Are you pregnant, Samantha? Do you know there are ways to avoid that, right?
Elena: Is it Theo’s? Are you keeping it?
Rose: Oh, you are definitely pregnant.
Elena: I love the group chat’s name btw.
Rose: How did that happen? I thought you had an IUD.
Naomi: You have an IUD? Then how? What?
Harper: Do I need to prepare a board meeting about whatever this is?
Oh, nice, the exact reaction I was aiming for.
Me: No, I’m not pregnant. I’ve been on birth control since I was fourteen, and I’ve been fucking around since eighteen. I know how to not get knocked up, and yes, I have an IUD.
Which, btw, is none of your business.
What I wanted to say is that…
Theo and I got engaged.
Rose: WHAT?
Elena: Ha, I knew it.
Naomi: How is that better than being pregnant?
Harper: Board meeting, it is. Naomi, gather the legal details.
And this is exactly why I didn’t wanna say anything.
Me: First of all, STOP. All of you.
This IS better than being pregnant.
No Harper, no board meeting, or legal stuff needed. Can you please just be happy for us for, like,a second?
Rose: ARE YOU KIDDING? I’m HELL OF EXCITED! My best friend is getting married. You know better, babes.
Elena: I knew it, and I’m all for it. I was just messing with you and following along with Naomi. Congratulations, Sam!
Naomi: Okay, Okay. I’m happy for you. But please be smart and do a pre-nup.
Harper: I can’t believe this man proposed again. The second time is the charm, I guess.
