His chuckle makes me smile as I go. While I do my business, I realize that the time I've spent with Silas today has cleared my mind a bit. Crying definitely helped, as did breaking through the barrier built around my voice.
I feel a little freer and lighter as I wash my hands and splash some water on my face. The spattering of redness on my cheeks from crying makes my eyes shine a little more. I'd venture to say I look a bit rough, but at least I look kind of glowy.
Wrestling with my tongue, I stare myself down in the mirror and attempt something I haven't done since I was a tween. I give myself a pep talk—the same one my nana used to demand I do every time I saw her.Gosh, I miss her. "I am beautiful. I am strong. I am different and not wrong. I have boundaries. I have grace. I have a voice and am not a disgrace."
My words don't waver or falter. She taught me it well, and I've retained it better than any lesson in school. I believe her words even if I am the one saying them now.
Repeating it one last time with a stronger tone, I nod at myself and leave the bathroom. I need to figure this shit out, but I don't need to do it alone.
"Silas," I call, heart pounding.
I'm nervous about how he'll react to what we're about to do, but he's the perfect mate to help me. Also, I'll never not blush when they react to me saying their names. Hearing my voice never gets old for them, and their excitement every time never gets old for me.
"Yeah, princess?" he asks, curious and sweet from his spot still on the couch.
Nibbling my lip, I look toward the door knowing it's the only thing in my way from going after the red tether.
"No, Vivie," Silas now stands beside me, having rushed over while I was distracted. "We're staying inside."
His voice is stern, and while that usually encourages the safety of submission, I just can't. So I shake my head and harden my eyes just enough to make his widen. The only time my pack experiences my backbone is when I'm feeling sassy or in the middle of heat. Silas knows this is different. I'm serious and I'm not taking no for an answer. I'm not even asking.
"Come with me?" I ask, using my words strategically. I'm asking him to join me, not for permission.
Cursing after a moment of studying my face, Silas glances at the office door at the back of the house. He nods. "You're putting shoes and a jacket on this time. And a fucking hat too. Gloves," he adds, thrusting the items at me one by one as he sees them.
I don't say a word, just tug them on. It's over fifty degrees outside, but I get it—I traumatized them. I'm just glad Silas didn't shout for our alphas or lock me in a room.
He tugs on his boots and forgoes a jacket. I turn to the door with a roll of my eyes and begin my trek toward answers. Orthat's what I'm hoping for at least. I can't live with this lingering on the side of my pack bond.
"What are we doing out here, Vivian?" Silas asks after a few minutes of walking beside me.
Pulling my hand up to my mouth, I silently shush him. "Focusing," I say, and turn inward.
Silas sucks in a breath as I no doubt show signs of slight detachment. With him fluttering around my little butterfly in the bond as we get further from Jarek and Kade, I'm pleasantly surprised that the daunting presence doesn't freak me out so much. Silas is my strength right now and I couldn't be more appreciative.
Reaching out, I take his hand and tug him along. He doesn't ask any more questions, and I don't think much of it until I can literally feel the vibrations of the red tether.
The odd combination of studying the agitated presence and paying attention to Silas' lack of reaction makes it easy to pull myself out of my mind. Turning to my beta, I frown up at him. "Do you not feel that?"
His eyebrows pull together, bunching the skin in confusion. Darting back and forth, Silas' golden brown eyes try to figure out what I'm saying. "Feel what, princess?"
I know he can't see it the way I can, and the frustration of being alone in this almost makes me stomp my foot. A growl slips out instead, startling Silas a bit but he's quick to grab my chin. "Don't you growl at me, Omega. I'm your mate, not your enemy."
"But you don't feelit!" I snap, bringing my hands up to the side of my head and yank on my hair. "I don't—I can't—" Fists bunching against my scalp, I do actually stomp my foot now.
"Alright, that's enough of that," Silas demands, prying my fingers away one at a time with a stern expression on his face. His tan features darken even further when he sees I've pulledout maybethreehairs. "Don't roll your eyes at me. We're going inside right now. I don't know what you feel, I'm sorry I don't, but I can't figure out what's going on when you're hurting yourself. I literally can't think about anything else when you do shit like that."
Before I can release a breath, Kade's voice booms across the yard. "What's going on?!"
"Nothing!" Silas shouts, taking one of my hands in his before tugging me toward the house. "We're going to talk about this, princess. Okay? The hissing and growling included. We'll help you figure this out, but you have to let us."
I have no clue how they can help if they don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Annoyed and feeling unnaturally lonely, I swallow my words and let him bring me back to the anxious alphas waiting for us. I've scared them again. The closer I get to them, the more my fear takes a backseat because I once again pulled them from their workday.
I thought if I could get Silas to get closer to it, he would be on the same page as me. No, this just makes me even fucking more complicated for them.
"Baby, are you okay?" Kade breathes, swooping me into his arms. Clearly I've rattled him again. I didn't think there would be this strong of a reaction considering it wasn't raining and I had Silas with me.
I nod, because that's what he needs to hear. Jarek narrows his eyes at me over Kade's shoulder. Dropping my gaze, I allow my more submissive side to wiggle awake and shield me from having to figure out what to do now.
