Shaking his head rapidly, Jarek tries to tug his hand out of mine. He's so fucking pale it's terrifying, and if I allowed my mind to play tricks on me, I would almost believe his lips are turning blue too.
"Not an option. Breathe, my love," I murmur even as my lungs struggle for air too.
"Kade—"
"Hold on, Silas," I murmur, knowing he's freaking out too. It's been so long since Jarek has had one of these attacks.
Jay wheezes and his eyes slam shut. He actually manages to pull himself free from my grip. With his hands in his long hair, he yanks and pulls until I'm basically fucking wrestling for control.
"Pull over!" I demand, thankful when Silas immediately does so. Releasing Jarek is fucking hard, but I'm out the back door in a split second and ripping the front passenger one open right away.
In the time it takes me to get out of the car, Jarek has folded himself over and put his head between his knees. "Damn it," I growl even though I'm glad he's at least okay enough to remember another tactic in calming his panic. Unfortunately I don't think the extra blood flow to his brain will do much.
"What happened?" I ask Silas as he comes around to stand a step behind me.
Silas blows out a shaky breath and leans against the side of the truck so close to me I inhale his green tea and rainwater scent. "He was trying to get through to Vivie. I was watching his body language because I was eager to see if it worked again. That's when he stiffened like he'd been struck, then he went pale a few moments later. Which is when his breathing changed and I got scared."
While he talks, I run my hand up and down Jay's back in slow, heavy strokes. I won't move him unless he shows signs of getting worse again. Plus I have no idea what would happen if I started manhandling him while he was locked in on Vivie.
Is it selfish to keep him in this state of panic so we can hopefully find our omega sooner?
"Shh, just breathe," I coo, bending at the waist and hugging Jarek.
Tears burn my eyes, so I pinch them closed knowing I can't fall apart right now. As much as I wish I were in Jay's spot so I could feel Vivian and feel a stronger pull to her location, that'sjust not how Vivie is allowing it. It's as if she's putting the most effort into keeping me at bay. I fear it's strategic. Is what she's experiencing so bad she needs to hide it from the pack alpha because I might lose my absolute mind if I knew?
"She's—"
A startled gasp slips from me when Jarek speaks for the first time in way too long. I stand and murmur, "She's what, Jay?"
The trembling of his shoulders and obvious heave of his back make my stomach twist uncomfortably. Whatever he experienced was more than just connecting with our woman again.
When a sob rips through Jay's chest, Silas and I tug him from the truck and wrap him in our arms as tightly as we can. Jarek used to have panic attacks starting a few months after we met Vivian. He was coming into his designation while constantly terrified something might take our omega away. Be it scientists or suicide, Jarek feared for Vivie's life so viscerally he would slip into panic attacks.
Vivie never knew the extent of Jarek’s trauma. Yes she knew he had an older sister who took her own life when he was ten, but Vivian has never mentioned having any suicidal ideation. That didn't stop Jarek from worrying constantly.
A year and a half. That's how long they lasted on a weekly basis. The more he got to know Vivie and realized she had no plans to leave us by her own hand, the less the panic came. Therapy helped, though he wanted to keep that on the down low at university. He didn't want it getting around for a few reasons. One was Vivie and the other was the stigma around men, especially alphas, going to therapy.
Jarek told Vivian a few years ago about therapy but never gave her much detail. He mainly explained it was for grief for his sister. Since then, Vivie has understood his more vulnerable side and accepted it wholeheartedly.
Jarek drops his forehead onto my shoulder and blows out a heavy breath. With my heart breaking and my men in my arms, I stand strong when all I want to do is crumble.
"She's hurting. Mentally and—and physically," Jarek croaks and shudders. "W-we're close, though."
We're close.That's the part I'm going to hold on to, and I know someone around here who might be able to help us.We're close, Vivie.
Twenty-Eight
Riot
The idea of what my personal hell would be has completely changed. Honestly, a week ago I probably would have said that I was living my worst life already. No family, no home, no happiness. I was content in my hell.
This? Being here with this mute omega isactuallyfucking hell. Not because I'm here with her, but because I'm notwithher. I can't help, and no amount of begging her to listen to me is working.
Watching this little firefly stand up to a hulking man will give me nightmares for the rest of my life. I don't know this girl. I have no ties to her, and I'm not planning on becoming friends with her, no matter how much my hindbrain protests. But holy fucking shit, I've come close to crying a few times since she passed out a while ago.
The longer she stayed asleep, the more worried I got. I've known traumatized omegas to kind of check out. It's a coping mechanism, and I'm really starting to understand how serious it can be.
The guard physically hurt her, yes. But I believe what traumatized her and sent her spiraling was his words.
