ONE
Vienna
Celeste
“What about a mullet?”
I wish I could pick up my jaw from the floor, but my best friend just suggested one of the most heinous crimes known to mankind. The mullet. Or as I call it, the gateway drug into douche bag territory.
“No fucking way. I draw the line at mullets,” I mutter back, ducking behind a head of cabbage. “First, it’s mullets, then it’s a slippery slope into gym selfies and being called ‘bro’while he crashes on my couch and mansplains cryptocurrency to me. It’s basically a hate crime.”
“A hate crime…to who?” Delaney asks, thumbs hovering over her social media feed of mulleted men.
“Intelligent people.” I cross my arms, decidedly taking a firm stance on this.
Delaney’s shoulders sag before she thrusts her phone in my face, “C’mon, Pinky, you know mullets are trending right now. Look…”
I bat the phone away playfully. “Okay, they’re not terrible. But they’re notthat.”I bob my head in the direction of the guy we’ve been partially stalking at our local supermarket. Delaney is still huddled behind the melons, her glossy chestnut hair peeking out. I’d overheard some of my TA students mention that this place was a hot spot to meet guys since it’s the closest market to Remington Hills University campus. We started in the produce section to aim for a man that at the very least buys fruits and vegetables instead of living off exclusively macaroni and cheese.
I sigh and pull Delaney up from her crouched position. “Lane, this is fruitless,” I resign, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“Ha! What a wonderful pun, Pinky.” She smirks, wiggling her eyebrows toward the display of fruit. “We could always try the kickboxing class I take sometimes down at the athletics club if you’re more into the athletic bro type? My friend Lenny got a great beginner’s package. I think it could totally work for your experiment and the list.”
The List.A few important attributes and characteristics I’d jotted down last week when we went over what my ideal man was. I slide my phone from my pocket and quickly scan over my inventory of must-have qualifications as we meander away from the vegetables department.
Loyal
Tall and handsome, at least taller than me
Chivalrous, but manly
Honest, but in a kind way
Can support himself, has his own place, and is financially stable
Goal oriented, at least one yearly goal and three lifetime goals
