“You are my person,” I whisper, my voice wobbly with emotion. “Thank you for giving me everything.” Fresh tears stream down my face, tracing the path of the old ones. This time, I feel more joy and less frantic. I take a deep breath as Mom pulls me in, kissing my forehead then cradles me, her cheek resting atop my head.
“Wedid it, Celeste. That was not a fight I could have won without you,my sweet girl. Every time I felt like I wanted to give up, give in, and let my body fail me, every time I was miserable, I looked to you. My perfect child, myeverything.You are my universe, Celeste. I didn’t want to pressure you with that while I was sick, but I want you to know that you shine brighter than the sun. You are what makes my life worth living.Thatwas my reason to fight.” I stare at her, my lips parted at her words. I never felt burdened or weighed down by my mother’s illness. It didn’t even cross my mind—it was just what our life was. I hadher and she had me. I raise a shoulder and sniff, trying to think of the right thing to say.
I let out a shaky breath. “I love you.” I hug her again, never wanting to let go.
“Mrs. Pinkfordt?” A different man in a white coat asks from the door with a knock. I pull back my arms and move from my mom’s bed to stand beside her instead. I wipe the tears off my cheeks and force my spine to be straight, folding my arms across my chest.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Mullins.” He nods to both of us before entering the room. “I wanted to come by and deliver your paperwork, and let you know of a few things before you’re discharged.” Dr. Mullins reviews symptoms to be wary of in remission, noting some of the more serious symptoms that would need immediate attention. I mentally note down each one. He leaves, letting us know we’re free to go once the nurse comes to unhook Mom from the monitors and IV.
* * *
We arrive home late. Exhaustion and hunger is evident in both of us as Mom and I finally make it through the front door. We settle into the kitchen for some soul-soothing tea and leftovers. I send off a flurry of thank you texts to Delaney as she let me know she and Dominic shared an Uber home. Mom and I sip and chew in silence, letting the adrenaline from the day rinse itself from our bodies. As Mom swallows her final bit of food from her plate, she brushes her fingers off and looks up at me.
“You know, Dominic did good,” she says softly.
“Yeah, I know,” I say back with a sigh.
“He really cares for you. You know, this last week he’s helped me out around here quite a lot. And I don’t want to be overbearing or controlling, but sweetheart, if you feel what Ithink he’s feeling, sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and take that chance. Even if you fall. Even if down the road it doesn’t work out. Sometimes you still have to try, that’s just part of life.” She smiles at me with one of those all-knowing looks, like she understands exactly what I’m thinking and feeling.
“He did?” I ask, even though I know he would. Without a thought, he’d help. I gaze out the window. “I care for him too. I think I might even be fallingfor him. It’s just…” I sip my tea, my mind going fuzzy at the thought of Dominic helping Mom with chores.
“Complicated. I know,” Mom says, and I nod in agreement. “Just let it happen. If it’s meant to work itself out, it will. Now, time for bed.” She stands, scooping up our mugs. I grab our plates, and we place them in the sink. They’re tomorrow’s problem now. “Nothing good happens after midnight.”
“Really? Because I know a song that says the exact opposite.”
TWENTY-TWO
Chai
Dominic
It’s been three weeks,and I’m still having nightmares. I never did when I witnessed my parents lose consciousness, or even when my dad had a seizure once. Maybe because I knew theirs was self-inflicted, or too young to understand. But for whatever reason, the memory of June collapsing will not stop pulling me from sleep. I jolt awake, my skin coated in a cold sweat, and my heart racing like I’ve sprinted ten miles.
Every. Single. Night.
Sometimes I just get up and start cooking at two or three in the morning, because it’s the only way to distract myself. All I want is to call Celeste. Seeing the emotion and relationship between her and her mother that day at the hospital was overwhelming and so foreign to me. I’ve never known a love like that and finally seeing it unfurl in front of me truly made me feellike an outsider looking in. Yes, Maria acted as a mother figure and gave me unconditional love for the years I was with her, and Victoria has helped me with cooking and made me feel a part of the shop’s family, but…what Celeste and June have is something else. Something rare that I guarantee not many parents and children have. The shock at learning June had cancer was startling, and I can’t even begin to fathom the relief they must feel now that she’s cancer-free.
“I should have told her to go inside, Lane. It was my fucking fault,” I admit into my phone, hearing Delaney’s sigh on the other end.
“Nikkie, you had no idea what she’d been through or how her health was. It was absolutely not your fault. But Idothink you need to book an appointment with an actual therapist about the nightmares, because I am not qualified to help you besides our girl chats.” Delaney, while outrageously dramatic with the vocal range of Freddie Mercury I’ve recently learned during our phone calls, has also become my go-to person. She has also taken a liking to calling meNikkieat every opportunity.I abhor the nickname but she makes my sister happy, she makes Celeste happy, and she’s giving me free advice, so beggars can’t be choosers. Plus, she cares. About me, even after all of this.
“Yeah, yeah I know. I’ll make an appointment today. Thanks. I really appreciate it,” I say in an exhausted whisper.
“No problem, Nikkie boy, but…oh, hold on, your sister wants to speak with you.” I hear Delaney hand off the phone to Ellora.
“Hey,” Ellora’s raspy voice comes through the speaker on my phone. Her tone is softer than usual. Delaney must be feeding her all the juicy gossip about my nightmares.
“Hey, Lor,” I say back, bracing for a snide remark.
“Listen, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I just want you to know, I’m here for you too.”
I look down at my phone, caught off guard at Ellora’s openness. “Thanks, I…I appreciate it.”
“Also, I thought we could hang out…and…go…Dellie, I can’t understand what you’re miming just–Fuck! I want to know you better! Okay? I want to fucking bond and have you in my life, so will you just fucking hang out with me and meet me for dinner next week? OW! Please?” I hold in my laugh, something in my heart warming at Delaney and Ellora’s relationship.
“Yes, Ellora. Actually, even better, I’ll make you dinner at my place. I’ll text you my address later, and we’ll figure out which day and time works best next week, sound okay?” I hope she receives this counter-invitation well and I wait impatiently for her response. I hear Delaney and Ellora whisper yelling in the background. Delaney’s voice comes booming through the speaker startling me. “YES! She’ll be there! Bye, Nikkie!”
The call clicks off and I go to swipe open my music when I notice a text from an unknown number. Frowning, I pick up my phone and open the message.
