I meander my way through the stocked stacks of Biblio & Brew, the path like muscle memory. I spot Dominic behind the coffee bar, apron on, as he directs a new guy through the steps of a complicated latte. I walk up to the bar, hiking my purse higher on my shoulder. My long camel coloured wool coat kept me cozy outside but with the heat blasting in here I’m suddenly sweltering. I wriggle it off my shoulders and fold it onto the back of a chair at an empty table. As I look around, I realize it’s the only one available. I don’t want to hold a table but he did invite me here.
Is he working right now?
A stem of annoyance blossoms inside me.
If he thinks he can just throw a casual ‘I’m sorry’ at me while on his break I-
“Hey, sorry, Joel just needed some help with an order.” Dominic’s deep voice comes from behind me and I spin, mid-way to sitting down.
“Oh, no problem,” I say automatically, my heart fluttering at the sight of him.
Damn people pleasing reflexes.
“Are you working?” I ask nonchalantly, settling into the chair, noticing the now lack of apron. I cross my legs, the wide hem of my black jumpsuit fanning loosely around my ankle. It’s one of my favourite fall outfits, useful for almost any event and super comfortable. The only downside is having to do yoga in the bathroom when you need to pee.
“No, no, not working. Do you want a coffee or anything?” he asks, his light eyes tracing over each feature on my face.
My cheeks heat a little. “A coffee would be great, thanks.” I nod. With a smile, he jogs back to the counter to put our order in with Joel before returning to our table. As he sits down, his jeans stretch across his muscular thighs and his waffle cotton shirt pulls at his wide shoulders and thick arms. The top of his shirt is unbuttoned just enough to expose a little bit of his chest.
“So, Delaney’s birthday was fun,” he starts. I lean forward letting my arms rest across on the table.
“Yeah, it was. I don’t think I’ll ever forget your face when you saw my gift for her.” I snort.
“Hey! It was shocking, okay? I wasn’t expecting sword fighting taxidermied reptiles.”
“Fair. She loved it, by the way,” I say, feeling more comfortable in this easy conversation.
“I don’t doubt it,” he says, his gaze catching mine. His tone is light but I feel there’s something deeper swirling in his eyes.
“Here you are, two coffees. One black.” Joel sets our drinks down and gives Dominic a look of disgust at his coffee preference, then sets mine down. “And one double double.”
“Thank you,” Dominic and I say together.
“Is that the only way you like your coffee?” I joke, trying to make light conversation. I want nothing more than to somehow get away from the awkwardness we’re sitting in and steer us back to how effortless it used to be.
“No, I think my preferences have changed since I met you.” A smile passes his lips before he looks up to meet my eyes.
I quirk an eyebrow. “Oh really? How do you like your coffee now, then?”
“With you.” His voice is soft, vulnerable, but his gaze never wavers.
The smirk falls from my face as my lips pop open on a small exhale, caught off guard at his honest omission. I have to look away, because his expression is too serious. Too deep, too fast. I feel the air change between us as if I’m falling through different levels of the atmosphere. No matchmaking or experimental dating between us anymore, we’ve landed abruptly in unknown territory. I bite the inside of my cheek as I feel them flush a degree warmer. I can practically predict Dominic tensing with an apology ready on his tongue. I take a sip of my coffee to help settle my own nerves.
“So, this is awkward. And hard. But I wanted to apologize to you face to face for how I acted…the last time we were here, together, I guess.” He looks around as if the walls themselves betrayed him. I nod along, not wanting to interrupt.
“Here it goes,” he continues, clenching and unclenching his fist, then clearing his throat. “I was content before you, content in my mundane and frankly mediocre life. Then you…you showed me brilliance. A joy for life that I haven’t seen before. A living, breathing silver lining of the monotonous day to day. You make me want to be better—the best version of myself. That day…” He sighs looking down into his hands, his voice laced with guilt. “I wasn’t the best version of myself. Hell, I wasn’t even alikeableversion of myself. I’m truly sorry for snapping at you. It wasn’t your fault in the least. I just,” he pauses again, closing his eyes as he exhales deeply. “I was jealous.”
Wait, what?
“It wasn’t fair to direct that jealousy toward you, especially considering we weren’t together.” He looks up to me quickly as if to assess my reaction. I try to keep my face as neutral as possible.
I honestly wouldn’t have guessed his reaction that day to stem from a place of jealousy. “You’re right, it wasn’t fair. But I had been on dates before, why Jude?” I ask, my tone more clipped than I expected.
“It was more so hearing that you had accepted a second date with him. It made the possibility of you two getting together more real and I just lost it.” He rubs a hand on the back of his neck, brows drawn together. Still, I try not to say anything. giving him the space to finish what he needs to say.
Whether he deserves it or not. Even if I’ve already forgiven him.
“Hoot, I saw a future of you and Jude together, and it didn’t involve me. And I don’t want that, in any capacity. If you only want to be friends, I will respect that. Any boundaries, I will respect them. But I think the jealousy, the feeling I had when I imagined you and Jude together, is because I have feelings for you Celeste. I was mad because Iwant to be the one to take you on dates, hold your hand, and call you mine.”
