Patrick cuts in. “Would it make you feel better if I told you Patrick was short for Patricia?”
My giggle at the joke is unexpected as it bubbles out of me, and he laughs too It is so easy for him to make me laugh and change the subject. He knows exactly what to say, and I am grateful.
I try to pull my hands from his grasp, but he doesn’t let go. “You know you’re notthatfunny.”
“Your reaction would say otherwise,” he gloats.
He removes his hands from mine when our food gets to the table, and there is an emptiness in my palms that I don’t have an explanation for. Pushing down those feelings, I put all of my attention into the food that has been placed in front of me.
It must just be hunger, right?
Chapter 13
Patrick
ThelastpersonIwas expecting to meet tonight was Ellie’s dad. While it was refreshing to see a parent who was so excited to see their kid, I wasn’t prepared to be introduced as the boyfriend. The whole situation was weird, but it made me miss my parents. I only visit them once a year during the holidays, so I try to cherish the time we get to spend together.
Getting the feeling that Ellie and I don’t have the same relationship with our parents, I decide to keep my thoughts to myself. Ellie’s expressions when her dad came by left me in the dark. At first, it seemed like she was happy to see him, but the longer he was around, the more I started doubting that. While I have no right to ask her about it being herfakeboyfriend, I wish that I did.
She did give me a brief explanation, and honestly, it was surprising. When I heard that reasoning, everything made a little bit more sense, but there’s no way that was the whole truth.
It’s hard for other people to think you’re doing well in life when you’re single. There is this need in our society to have a partner in order to be happy, but I think that it’s important to find your own happiness first. Ellie didn’t say much about it,but she led on enough. It’s hard to take care of others without taking care of yourself, so I get it.
Honestly, I’m kind of relieved that she is using the fake relationship to her advantage because it has felt very one-sided up until this point. She’s been a real team player, but I can see that she is becoming drained.
After her dad stopped by, we went back to the simpler questions. My list wasn’t very long, but there were a few things that would give us a better understanding of each other. People don’t know everything about the people they are dating, but they do know how they work and react to things which gives insight to their future actions.
Ellie takes giant bites out of a chicken quesadilla, and it just adds to my attraction to her. It brings me comfort that she doesn’t try to put on a mask when she’s with me, and I like that she has been vulnerable with me.
It’s odd that I’ve known her for so many years, but I’m only now realizing I’ve never actually seen the real Ellie. I don’t know how different it would be if we were dating for real, but I’m grateful that I at least get to see her like this.
“Not to make assumptions, but you’re an introvert. Aren’t you?” I’m worried about asking, but I feel like it’s an important thing to know.
Ellie stares at me unable to answer with a mouthful of guac and quesadilla. I watch her think for a second, but she responds with a nod.
“How do you like to recharge?”
She swallows her last bite and looks at me with a stunned expression.
“Shit.” I didn’t mean to, but I must’ve overstepped. “I’m sorry, El. You don’t have to answer if that’s too personal. Let's move on to another—”
“No, it’s not that,” she interrupts me kindly. “I’m just surprised because no one has ever asked me that before.”
She tucks an unruly hair behind her ear and furrows her brow while she’s thinking. No matter what she does, I have a hard time not watching her. When she speaks to me, it feels like we are the only two people that exist, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that. She’s not mine, not really. Not in any way that matters, and it doesn’t matter anyway. She’s not looking for someone like that, so I need to get it together.
She starts up again, and I give her all of my attention. “Um, I like to be alone. Sometimes I need complete silence, but most of the time I like having a background noise, like a TV or music playing. If I get too overwhelmed with social interaction, I can wrap my arms tight around myself, which helps a lot. Almost every time I get home from work, I’ll wrap myself up tight in a blanket. I also like to light a candle to ground myself, and then it doesn’t really matter what I do. I can read or watch TV or do homework, but as long as I have a relaxing environment, it usually works.”
Imagining Ellie surrounded by blankets in her most relaxed state brings me comfort. I start getting lost in that thought when Ellie flips the question on me. “What about you? Are you an introvert or an extrovert?”
“Oh, I think I’m a mix—an ambivert some may say. I enjoy social outings if I’m with people I feel comfortable with, but I’malso perfectly content being alone. I guess if I’m with the right person, I can be happy no matter what is happening.”
Ellie gives me a bit of snark in a playful way. “Wow, how romantic.”
I didn’t mean for it to sound that way, but I guess it does.
Thinking back, it’s funny that none of my past girlfriends have ever been that for me. It might’ve actually worked out with them if that were the case, but I don’t like dwelling on the past too much. None of those relationships have ever ended badly per se, but I don’t think that I was ever really passionate about any of them. “Well, I don’t know how romantic it is because sometimes that person is Wes, and I definitely do not see him that way. No offense to him; he’s just not my type.”
I expect Ellie to laugh or at least make some type of joke back, but I’m met with silence. She plays with her straw, spinning it around lazily in her drink, and I feel tension building. Was it something I said?
